jac - You are sacrificing a lot of your time and money for this situation. You have been very patient (I'm new here since you last posted, so just read a bit of your sitch).
Also being new here, take my advice for what it's worth.
Your W literally told you she does not want to put in effort, and doesn't think it would change. At this point, I think a separation agreement makes sense given your sacrifices. It also shows her she cannot just come and go as she please, and expect you to sacrifice on your end so she can make 4x income on her side. It shows strength, while leaving open the door a crack.
I'm basing this off one post, but you went through a lot in a single conversation. It sounds like money is a huge trigger for your W - not saying you should avoid the topic, but I would leave it to 3rd parties to work out rather than state what you think she should pay you. She will feel manipulated and controlled no matter how fair or accurate your number is. I know in my state all the calculations are just guidelines and ultimately if 2 parties can work out a fair number the judge will sign off 99% of the time.
It sounds like the timeshare arrangement with your son was less emotional for her. I would consider documenting your agreement (or at least keeping a journal record to yourself of what you agreed to). She may decide she wants more time when she consults a lawyer and realizes the impact to support payments.
Lawyers are going to make this more annoying, but at the same time, I think these things work out best if both parties feel like they were not railroaded into an agreement they later regret.
Also... if she's willing to wait 4-6 months to get psych help, that shows she is not serious. I'm appalled by this. Is she only looking at psych's who are covered by insurance? (I'm not suggesting you ask her this, but maybe you already know). In my area, almost none of the psych's take insurance, but I can get reimbursed 70% on the back-end by handling the paperwork by myself and submitting to insurance. She can also call around and when people are booked out ask them for referrals. There are TONS of ways to get help. Maybe her employer has an assistance program (EAP?) where they provide a few sessions for free - AND help with locating available doctors.
I don't know if her getting mental health treatment is a condition for you. I only want to point out that she seems to be paying it lip service only.
