How can your H possibly show you? I have no idea. Being on the other side, I don’t know how to show it to my W either.
Just some thoughts... frankly the ball is not in your court. Relationships are not tennis matches.
I abused my husband emotionally and verbally. He moved out 4 months ago. In my case I was depressed which drove a lot of my behavior. I didn't know how bad it was until it was gone. I sought ADs after he left not realizing it would change my life for the better.
He's gone dark but because of kids I can show my changes to him without seeing him. We do text about the kids in a business like manner. At first I was manipulative and he could tell by the words I chose. I couldn't hide it because it wasn't sincere. Over time I started to heal and I don't know I just no longer have the need to manipulate or control. These days I don't expect a response from him, I'm not upset when he ignores me, I can now take the "I'm angry at you" texts without making excuses or trying to talk him out of his feelings. When he pointed out my bad behavior (recently) I thanked him for pointing it out to me and said I would fix it (I was sincere). I'm not completely sure what he wants but I am fixing it to the best of my ability. When I see him (rare) I do ask to R but when he says no I don't push.
I've got to work now but I will write more later. Oh and on the tennis ball thing I read that in cases like this it is the abuser that has the ball. Took me a bit to let that sink in but I get it now. He left solely because I was an abuser. He didn't rush off to file which means the ball is in MY court. He's not doing anything hastily either which means I've got time. BTW I'm 4 months out and I am NOT healthy enough to reconcile. I've come a long way yes but it's too soon and i know it/he knows it. As much as I hate to say this I'll probably need a year. Not full on NC for a year just not not making any major decisions until that year is up.
