Your explanation is spot on. We both are the exception rather than the rule here (regarding reconciliation) and I believe the common denominator is that we both gave them the time and space to go on their journey while also giving ourselves the same.
Wonderful update. Just what I needed to read today, as I believe my H could be hitting rock bottom. It reminds me I need to be careful to not rush the process. I am lovingly showing compassion for his pain, and letting him sort through his intense turmoil he recently has expressed to me. Thanks for the uplifting update.
Thank you Gordie-I've read some of your back threads. This is inspiring to me, and I am using it as my inspiration to keep giving my H the space he has requested. It's his journey, and my journey is now just my journey. Hopefully roads intersect again in the future. You are a lighthouse!
Me: 57 H:60 Married: 25 yrs DB #1 June 4/19 "I love you forever" June 14/19 DB#2: June 19/19 ILYBINILWY
Gord, I'm glad to hear such a positive update and you are totally right when you say that we have to let them go thru what they "have" to go thru. You sound as if things are going well.
How are the kids relating to you two getting on better?
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Job westo grace barb SBJ sjohn6: Thanks for all the well wishes.
One more thing to encourage you. I recently met an man a few decades my senior and we got to talking. Without my prompting, he started telling me about his marriage. He shared his w went through a crisis and blamed him for everything and they divorced shortly thereafter. They had small children and they remained friendly but he moved on and started dating other women but still missed his xw. Two years after the divorce they decided to start dating again and remarried later that year. Crazy, eh?
SBJ: the kids are doing well. They are happy that we are spending more time together. They don’t talk of the past either and they observe us but do not provide commentary or ask questions.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie, it is always such a lift when you visit the boards and tell us how you are. I am so glad that how you are right now is deep into restoration. How beautiful that your patience was rewarded in this way -- and how wonderful that the reward can come to your kids and your W too.
Joel
Originally Posted by Gordie
When I stopped blaming myself for everything and seeing myself as the victim is when I was able to start healing and finding the power from above and within to move forward.
I am wondering about what you say here. What I am struggling with lately is the realization that my own wound has been and still is driving me-- that I feel that I was somehow bad, that I deserve this, that I have to frantically try to show everyone -- H, his mother, the friend who is paying for his D, etc. -- that I am the good one, that I didn't do anything wrong. I realize that this is a slavery and a wound that I have to heal with God's help. But to some degree, seeing myself as the victim is the first step in understanding that I am not to blame. So what do you mean by that? I know I shouldn't feel like a victim and that I should become a warrior in this spiritual battle but aren't we actually victims of something beyond our control, and don't we have to build from that point up?
Maybe this question belongs on my thread, answer either place.
Send you and your family several boatloads (container ship-size) of love.
I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage. Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
