W and I have been spending a lot more time together this summer: family time, alone time, walking, traveling...and talking. W has specifically been opening up more about herself and what she has been going through. She speaks of our near divorce in the past tense and expressing gratitude and happiness that we are still together. As many of the vets here warned, she has a fog about everything she said and did. I am okay with that and my desire for the big apology has lifted over time. We are better at expressing and resolving our conflicts and both feel safe saying ILY when the moment strikes. We have also resumed our marital relations.
For those of you still in the thick of it, I wish you the best. The key that all of you taught me is to really give the person in depression/crisis all the time and space they need. W can see now that she was very lost and unhappy with everything in her life and that she directed the blame towards me. So even when your spouse spews at you, really give yourself a break. Take a hard look in the mirror and improve what needs to be fixed but remember so much of this crisis has nothing to do with you.
No, you cannot control the duration or intensity or the feelings that are part of this journey and ultimately whether you remain married or divorce. You can only control your choices and what you do every day. You are bigger than this crisis. You do have choices. When I stopped blaming myself for everything and seeing myself as the victim is when I was able to start healing and finding the power from above and within to move forward.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
