Thanks IW. Ive been used to rolling with the punches my whole life. I'm sure some people can get exhausted by it. I think I'm ok with S. Had another discussion about L appointment. Asked for any docs needed. Had a few honest questions and honest answers tonight. Made sure W was ok with me deciding to do S1 birthday separate and wasn't upset by my decision. Got into a brief argument once again about something she never said to me she thought she did. She set up an addition consultation with another mediator. We did discus the night prior after our 1st consultation. That she would setup the next one of her choice. I was never notified that she made an appointment for tonight at 5pm. She says she told me. I went through 2 hours of accountability that she even bore witness to at times she thought she told me. Same old same old. Blames me for things she never notified me on. But anyways we both laughed it off, I smiled and I just said kindly notify me by email as we have been doing to prevent this kind of thing again as we have been doing for the last several months. Instead of this he said she said dysfunctional dynamic of ours doesn't continue.
I think we both want to decide on D once we have some space and clarity. She still wants me to move to the basement if I decide to stay in the home the next 8 to 10 months once I consult with L to decide which way is best for me to go. But she needs to refinance fast to make the mortgage payment next month because she is broke. I am not partaking in any financial expenditure with her other than current obligations. I decided to take a few moments to think about the basement move and reply back to her. She says she really needs her sense of space to focus on improvements. We went back and forth about how I am interrupting her life or interfering with her improvements in any way, and its not fair for me to move. But I entertained it for a few moments. I told her I would think about it. Then got back to her in 10 min. Why it wouldn't work for me with laundry, company noise, etc.... Maybe I will consider it just to actually have a sense of space myself. We'll see. Ideally she wants separate living quarters but can settle with me living in basement. I don't see the basement working out for me so?... No.. But I will still consider it silently for both our benefit. I think we both ideally want to do the right thing by each other, and not screw each other over. I will be helpful and friendly until any boundaries are crossed. Time to focus on me now. I want to change for real this time and for the better. I think Im finally starting to accept what is and put the W on the shelf and start focusing on my improvements now. Peace and honesty is so much easier than holding onto all this stuff and holding stuff in.
