I posted those 2 questions because of my own sitch. I spent a lot of time in the spring reading and thinking about whether I was abusive. What I have taken away is I did behave in some very disrespectful ways and sometimes did cross over the threshold into emotionally abusive behavior.
I stopped the behavior long before my W distanced herself. But I did not address my issues fully.
Working through IC to understand the thoughts beliefs and attitudes driving my behavior has been life changing. Once those change, the behaviors automatically change.
How can your H possibly show you? I have no idea. Being on the other side, I don’t know how to show it to my W either. Pressure, earnestness, talking about myself - it all feels self serving to me.
When the topic of trust came up in MC (specifically my W lacking trust in me), I asked the counselor how am I supposed to restore trust? He said that’s not up to you W and it’s not up to me. It’s up to you.
Just some thoughts... frankly the ball is not in your court. Relationships are not tennis matches.
