Alison - I have the same advice as last week. Take your time, you do not have to operate on his timeline. I would say do nothing while you feel pressured.
When it comes to your H and whether he has truly changed, I think it boils down to 2 key questions:
1. Do you believe he understands the underlying thoughts, issues, and attitudes that drove his abusive and disrespectful behavior in the past? 2. If so, what is he doing to address them (or what signs have you seen)?
I say this because it's one thing to address the symptoms of that type of behavior (or be on one's best behavior for awhile), but true change comes from deeper digging. I'm guessing you are tentative because you see the behavioral change but don't know if it's really there to stick. And also, true change can take years.
Think about how hard it has been to change yourself. The time, the energy, the emotional pain. Change does not come easy.
I have no advice about where to go from here, unfortunately. That is a really difficult position to be in.
