Wow sandi. Uhm. I don’t really know what to say... I’m just kinda floored. I guess I’ll go through your points and respond
1 I feel amazing when I run. I’m gonna start that in the morning
2 this is exactly what I do in the morning. She leaves about 45 before I do for work. I take S to sitter. W picks him up in evening. When she leaves she always gives me a very friendly “have a good day”. I do the same to her. Sometimes I drop a small compliment about her looks. She has started ignoring them. But doesn’t seem off put
3. We both usually get off work about the same time every day. So we usually both know where S is and what he needs
4 this is a good idea. I will probably start trying to keep a calendar. Thanks
5 she usually does not text me much. Not I her. That stopped after BD. but when she does it’s always polite
6 since I have stopped pressure and pursuit she is usually pretty chatty when I get home. (Before she would just say “fine” and wouldn’t talk to me when I asked about her day). I will ask how her day was and she will open the flood gates and tell me all the details. This conversation has gone on for a couple hours sometimes. (Once she sat beside me on porch and we were awful close. I make lots of eye contact which is new for me and she holds it a lot
She usually doesn’t try to go anywhere when she gets off work.( there have been a couple times her sister had S so she would spend an hour over there when she went to pick up S). But 95% of the time when I get off work she has picked up S and is already home.when she does want to go somewhere it’s usually with her fam and she always invites me
7 I try to act like myself when I’m around her except for the fact I don’t touch her anymore. I stopped doing the things that used to annoy her. Sometimes she will sit across the room from me. Sometimes she will sit down beside me. Other than that our dynamic of behavior is better than it has been.
8 it’s hard for me to not take things personally. I’m trying to work on that. I try to be respectful when she is changing. I don’t gawk. Even though we are H and W that’s kinda rude. She hasn’t really made any plans since BD except the wedding and she decided not to go to that
9 body language is difficult for autistic people. We don’t interpret it or know how ours affects other people. But I’ve been working on it. When she is talking I’ve been trying to look more relaxed and nonchalant. Not stand there with my arms crossed like I normally do. I try not to stand too close. I am experimenting with this to see how she reacts
I have always “popped” her back which after BD she wouldn’t let me and then I quit offering. When she tries to do it in her own I wish I could help. But I just keep my distance
Projects around house are weird because I will say I’m gonna do X or I will just go do X without saying anything and she will usually follow me in there a bit later and start to help right beside me. I don’t ever follow her into a room. Usually the other way around
Example. Sunday is our house cleaning day. This past Sunday =
H well I’m gonna get started W what are you gonna work on H I’m gonna start in the laundry room what about you? W I’ll come and help in laundry room
It goes like this a lot
She always writes a list on Sunday
10. She has never ASKED for a S or D Just ILYBINILWY followed me asking her if she would be happier without me and she said “I would be less miserable without you”. 3 days later I asked if she wanted D she said “I dunno I don’t want to do this tonight”. That’s it. Her only other move was to get her own health insurance separate if family. But that’s been awhile ago
We sleep in same bed and if she is in A it’s an emotional one. But I’m not sure. She has a lot of friends who want to reconnect after this many years being gone.
She was extremely disrespectful around BD time. Putting me down to her family. Calling me stupid. This has all vanished. Now she asks me my opinion on things to do and what we should buy and things like that. I haven’t sensed any disrespect in a while. She asks my opinion more each day. She has actually started asking about my day and my job and how it’s going
I don’t think she wants to work on our M professionally right now. Her exact words night of Bd was I don’t think I want to work on it
But it seems a lot has changed for the better since then. It just seems very fragile
But I notice things like last night
H I’m gonna go sit in porch for a min and enjoy a drink W ok I go out and sit down 10 min later she comes out and sits in chair behind me Silence for a while W what you thinkin H it’s a nice evening W yes it is , I miss our dogs we had to leave at farm H me too
She will follow me around and almost never goes out unless it’s with family then she invited me
