Steve - Man this post resonates with my day as well.
The ambition can make this harder. I'm also attacking GAL like a maniac - at first it felt great, but now 3 weeks in there are days where it all feels kind of empty. Work, gym, hobby, friends, repeat. I've been throwing in some guided meditation apps which helps. The ambition can lead to burnout. Ambition is great in work, school, etc. - you work hard, you achieve. That's not how it works in relationships, in particular these cases.
One other idea is make sure you have an indoor hobby or something when you are home alone. I have a little project going, watch YouTube videos about it, etc. It can eat up endless amounts of time and tickles the part of my brain that seeks achievement and learning.
What are you covering in MC? I'm just curious. I'm in the same boat - MC once every 1-2 weeks, and terse logistics-oriented texts (in my case surrounding the kids primarily). We have a once weekly phone chat to cover logistics only. MC feels completely aimless - we are working on "communication" which helps with the co-parenting and logistics but addresses none of the actual, ya know, MR. I think human brains are wired for survival - lately my conclusion is that everything I learn in MC can be applied to my next relationship, whether that is with my W or someone else - but maybe that is my brain desperately trying to put a positive spin on things. I definitely don't understand how my path is leading to reconciliation either, but I can tell I'm growing as a person and a father and that's enough for me most days.
I imagine healing just takes a really really long time. I would say I'm sure there is a part of her that misses you, but that is beside the point. If and when she misses you enough, you will know.
Sorry you're going through it too - it really [censored]. I'm glad there's a safe space to talk about it though.
It definitely does feel a bit empty, but I wonder if that feeling of emptiness is because we're doing the GAL for the wrong reasons. We're doing it because we want to be a more attractive partner for our WAW, as opposed to doing it for oureslves, and it feels empty because we have no pathway to show that effort. I know these things are the "right" thing for me to be doing, but it definitely just feels like I'm doing them right now to check off a to-do list.
In MC, part of it is just checking in to see how we're emotionally doing w/r/t the separation, and the other part of it is identifying areas that we weren't clicking, then facilitating an understanding of how we both can better approach it moving forward. It's been helpful, but also frustrating because there's no way to go and enact those better behaviors. I know at least personally in MC before the separation, I struck way, way too much of a defensive tone and wasn't going into it with the right mentality - a huge regret in hindsight.
I think maybe I'm (and we're) just feeling a bit blue. I talked a close friend I can be open with last night, and his response was akin to "Of course she misses you - you were the most important person in her life for seven years, you built a life together, she loved you enough to marry you, and she cares about you enough to separate and not divorce, to go to MC as opposed to given up, etc." and that was helpful. It'd be great to hear her say it and have that reassurance, but that's unlikely.
One thing that she did say in MC is that out of all the thoughts that make her sad, the one thing that really, really upsets her is the idea of us having no relationship at all, if I was just out of her life completely. I immediately wondered if that puts me into a bucket where she only views on future relationship of ours as a platonic friend, but it was nice to hear, as small of a carrot as it was.
