He just broke down with me in absolute tears. Prior to all this he has been suffering with depression and ptsd from being in the military.
He just said his head is a mess, he doesn’t know who he is, he’s been an idiot and doesn’t deserve anything and wants to die. He has been in this depression state for around 18 months. Affair from May.
He was having therapy but stopped in April. It was doing him the world of good before he stopped.
I just tried to listen but it’s tough seeing him breaking in front of me especially because he is at risk of doing something stupid.
Her H is devastated beyond belief and has been following her round trying to get her to change his mind, asking questions, begging. I've had a word and clued him up on how this works............. :-)
I would suggest he go back to counseling and suggest that just MAYBE breaking up two families is not the way to deal with his depression and maybe he should go to joint counseling with you as well.
Keep your expectations low though, this may have been just a temporary lapse on his part.
Thanks kml, I actually have zero expectations and I feel good about that.
I have encouraged him to go back and speak with someone, something I said at BD but he refused that there was anything wrong then.
I don’t expect this to be plain sailing and know it’s probably a lapse but for the first time since May he took his phone out of his pocket, left it on the table and went upstairs for a few hours.
A small thing but still. And also he has told the ow that he doesn’t know what he wants too.
Then he came and sat in the garden with me, and asked me if I still thought we could be saved after all he had done.
I feel like whatever happens I will be ok and my patience increases daily. It’s hard work and I’m hurt but all you wonderful people taking the time to message me and helping me through this difficult time makes me feel like I have a whole new group of friends who have my back.
if it is real MLCer and not just an affair, I think it is hard for them to jump MLC ship and get back to a normal life, unless they get serious help
Im glad your expectations are low- but I would believe little what he says and be careful still get all the legal work done he may go back and forth many times before he actually dos either way He may be having a touch and go..
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Yours is a delicate situation with PTSD. You can only do so much regarding his counseling and mental health. Don't push him, it will only drive him away. His need for mental health treatment will be solely on himself.
As far as MLC is concerned, tears are manipulation and nothing else. Don't fall for it. Take it from someone who did an early reconciliation, make sure to protect yourself and keep a reasonable distance.
I saw similar behaviors...leaving phone around, allowing me in the restroom while she was bathing, sleeping in the same bed, etc....then BOOM right back into the tunnel without any warning.
A true awakening occurs after several months (or years) of consistent clear behaviors and reasoning.
H is 38. After feeling positive for weeks I feel awful today. He pushed me to talk last night and I had been drinking so I called him and her all awful things.
Finding it hard and he pushed me for the emotional conversation which backfired on me.
Kirsty, try not to beat yourself up. I too, after a couple of drinks let rip once. I really gave it both barrels and called him and the OW everything.
I woke the next day thinking I’d blown it and undone all the good work I’d done DBing. It didn’t. He actually expected worse.
I just told myself I’m only human and I’m hurt and angry. It had to come out sometime.
Learn from it, you got it off your chest but leave it now and make sure you don’t drink in his company again. You don’t want him thinking that every time you have a few he’s going to be called names again.
That is what my H was worried about if he came back. He’s been back a year now and I’ve slipped up once in that time.
But I know that he cannot change the past and I have to let it go for the sake of our new relationship.
