Just checking back in. Feeling lonely tonight so I thought I'd give an update..which is to say there's no update at all to give, really.
No contact with the WAW, other than at MC, which we attend every other week and terse, logistics-oriented texts. I wish I could say I didn't miss her, but I do, very much. Some days are better than others - today was a bit tougher because the weather forced me indoors, canceling a softball game and making it difficult to head to the gym as well. I've also been trying not to shortcut the healing process through dating or flirting with women I meet through the apps, so it's generally been a quiet day with a lot of time to think and feel lonely.
Generally, GAL is going fine; working out, playing sports, hanging out with friends, and so on. Today is just tough. Maybe tomorrow will be better. One more into the S and I'm overall feeling more like myself but, yeah, today is tough. I guess that's to be expected.
Just typing out what I'm feeling, I feel very powerless right now. So much in my life I've achieved through hard work and ambition, setting out to do something and working my butt off to do it. I wanted to start a company, so I did. I wanted to move to NYC, so I did. But I've got no agency at all here. And I get it, that's a part of the lesson: you can't control what other people do, and certainly any pressure or urgency I apply here will take me ten steps backward in the other direction.
I know all of this, but today is tough. I don't know at all how this ever convert to a chance to reconcile. I guess I just work on myself, be the best version of myself I can be, and hope that at some point, that opportunity will arise. It just seems like such a pipe dream right now, when we go a week or more without any interaction, and I (perhaps pessimistically) have no real reason to think that she misses me.
