Now what?

[BarbH]

Hi KML! yes, I get where you're coming from, but I think he knows this is too fresh and painful for me right now that he would see through it. I do try to make plans and get out of the house when I know he's here-just "I'm going to town-see ya later" kind of thing. Right now I'm only up to giggling at text messages on my cell phone. Sometimes I even wonder if he see me "getting a life" if he doesn't think "well, that's okay, she'll be alright". He's done weird things like telling my sister in law and her husband that "if it doesn't work out between us, they still have to be friends with me". What? Well, we are, but anyhoo....

re: Lawyer, yes I will have my own, he should have his-there is a group of lawyers in this town who do collaborative law, each person assembles a team-their own lawyer, financial adviser and therapist if needed.

Fortunately,(for me) if he does retire early, and divorces me, he's pretty much screwed himself. Our jobs pay close enough to each other that even though I make more than he does, he can't tag me for spousal support. Also, we have the same government pension plan, so any suing for pension essentially is a wash. My advantage is that I will, at some point in the next 5-10 years be inheriting a 2 suite revenue property in the middle of a very good neighbourhood. I'm currently functioning as the landlord there as I am my father's POA. I could bank the house sale proceeds (my share),evict the tenants, live cheap in the revenue house, and end up with a nice piece of real estate, house sale cash in the bank, plus my pensions. He ends up with his basic work pension, canada pension, and old age security (ultimately), proceeds from house sale, which he'd need to buy another place. I know he hasn't even thought about that-and I hope he doesn't so I don't wonder if we do end up reconciling that he's doing it for income.

This feels like it's bloody killing me. We were so close to retirement, have been through so much, could have been having fun-travelling, boating fishing etc. instead he's gone and done this. I'm a planner, him, not so much. Sometimes I just want to shake him into his senses, and tell him to stop being such an idiot, but I know that's not the way to go. We used to have a radio program up here called "Dead Dog Cafe" and their catch phrase was "Stay calm, be brave, watch for the signs" I'm using that.

Most days I just want to cry.