Now what?

[BarbH]

Thank you Cadet and Job.

I have run a credit check-and in fact signed up for monitoring. We have split the joint account-he now has his own chequing (he never paid attention to the budget, i find it ironic that now he realizes how much things cost). He is responsible for emailing money to cover joint expenses every 2 weeks. I've cancelled my two credit cards that he was subsidiary on.

He hasn't even said those things for a couple of weeks. Last night I did make a comment about space, and he thanked me for it. (I said it jokingly).

I do not want to be plan b for sure! I don't think he knows which end is up-he told my sister's BF that he "just wanted to be twenty again, go to the bar, get drunk and throw up on the way home" WTF? he's turning 60.

Regarding his promises re mortgage etc: I have told him I am getting a collaborative lawyer (my initial appointment is booked for next week) I want these promises in writing. When I filled out the intake form to send in, I gave him a blank copy and said "you can do one, or we can do one jointly" we did it jointly. When I asked the question (from the form) possibility of reconciliation-he very quickly and firmly said "yes". But I know, believe nothing of what they say. He says he's "confused" and "trying to find a path back" I believe the confused. not the other. I also don't think he's even thought about a lawyer yet-but I want the separation agreement done for my own protection.

I haven't mentioned therapy to him at all. I'm going to my own to sort out my issues, of which I've identified and can own as contributing to this. I find it interesting that he's apparently regressed back to the age where his parents died.

I am attempting to GAL again. It's a little difficult living in the sticks, but I'm getting out to community events, joined meetups locally, working out. Already lost 25 pounds! Days are fine, evenings alone are difficult. thank god for neighbours.

Thanks for the advice re listening/offering advice if asked. Right now he can't even look at me, and our conversation consists of "the cat's hair is growing back nicely since you shaved her!" Do I start conversations? Or wait for him?