Finding the Balance then Tipping the Scale (3)

[Adam04]

Update:

I tend to make things long winded so will try to make it less so but no promises.

W said she feels like she has one foot out of the door but she isn’t looking at divorce. She said she has matters of the heart she needs to deal with for herself. She is seeing a therapist this Thursday and I told her no matter the outcome between us I support her decision to try and better herself.

At first I felt defeated like I lost, like all this was a sham. Then I got over it pretty quickly and I am not the angry bear I used to be or the person feeling victimized. I’m not 100% sure I have this figured out either. I’ve been trying to go at this with all the info I’ve gained and trying to do what’s right.

I think about going back to the apartment and what that would mean but it would come across as punitive so I am not doing it. I am taking my stance in the home and if it doesn’t work out she will need to divorce me there. Least this is how I see it for now unless there is something else major to consider.

I plan to take my kids out Friday and spend a night with a friend and his kids and take them out Saturday to go see Lion King. This past weekend W wanted to look for a matinee so we could warch it with the kids. I told my W my friend and I were planning to hang out over the weekend maybe Friday do some drinking and eating at his place and let the kids spend a night. Told her during a dinner and told her I woulda take the boys out to get them out her hair for a night and she could do whatever. She said something like she didn’t believe me and I laughed saying I didn’t think I had a tone or facial expression showing something other than just being straight faced and she said thank you.

Edit to add I was thinking of asking W she can join us if she wants.

So going back to transparency. I need help in this department and some clarity. She said she didn’t mind me changing her phone setting back to where the find me app can be turned back on and I’d have the password to her itunes login. She leaves her phone available for me to check and it has all 3 of her emails open on them.

I want to approach the right way. Does anyone have pointers because between now and the weekend I am thinking of saying something like this. I know this is a tough time for you and you nee time to figure things out but a non negotiable for me is full transparency so this means xxxxxxxxx. I need help with this part because how I see it it means access to phone at any time I request and also being able to check her location if she is out. Is there more or considering the timeframe of what’s going on, Is it best I be patient and bring this up later? Do I feel like she is doing something behind my back? I don’t think so and I would like to focus on trying to be more supportive at the same time making sure she knows I’m not placating to her because I am scared to lose her.

I have been thinking it may be best if we do get a divorce for several reasons but I don’t feel ready. I’ll see how this plays out and keep going with my life. I’ve been doing things by myself again , giving her space with the kids and i’m Planning to give her a break when I have the kids. We both deserve some breathing space and no I’m not worried about it she does do something. That’s on her and I’m good with my headspace on that.

Just looking for some guidance on the best way to approach or when to approach her on the full traparency and what that means for both of us. Main thing is where I want to be. I want to be patient, understanding, and confident showing her I accept where we are at and I guess for lack of better words I am not afraid to do the right thing.