You'll get a lot of good advice here from people who have a lot of experience. The thing to keep in mind is that everyone's situations are slightly different - but the overwhelming majority of things that take place in everyone's relationships are very common.
Take time to breathe every day. Are you interested in meditating? It has helped me calm down greatly and it has eased my anxiety. I also have PTSD from my childhood and from the military. It has been significantly reduced by meditating. It is hard to do at first, but you will notice its effects after a week or so.
Also - if you find yourself starting to feel emotional around your W - remove yourself from her vicinity and get emotional somewhere you can be alone. This takes some getting used to but it is a good habit to develop and it will save you the indignity of seeing your W get disgusted with your feelings.
Realize that she is not having the same feelings as you. In her mind there is no R anymore - she has moved on already. This is hard to accept and it will take some time, but the sooner you can accept it the better you will feel.
Your emotions will be on a rollercoaster for a while. Controlling them is a struggle but it can be done. This takes time. Be patient with yourself and take care of yourself.
I see you are in IC - that's a good thing. Keep going. It will help you greatly.
If there are any questions you have feel free to ask. These are really great people here who want to help you.
Take care and stay strong!
Thanks Ironwill. Before I signed up for the forum, I was reading it daily and always find myself scrolling to those success stories because it is what I want - deep down I know I have to focus on my daughter and myself. The first week, there was just a lot of tears, begging, pleading and reassurance - all the stuff I wasn't supposed to do. I know I can't change the way she feels about me at the moment but I can change myself. That is what I read ALOT.
I have a neighbor who she told last week about my sitch. They finally talked to me yesterday when W wasn't home because I was walking my dogs to keep busy and they were sitting on the porch. They talked to me for about a good hour. They are both older couple, retired. But it is good to know that they don't approve my W behavior. When W told them about it, my neighbors ask for her to try and work it out, give him another chance - tried to talk some sense into her. They said she was stone cold, a confident "No, I'm done with him." But just having them talk to me about it and telling me what she is doing is wrong felt good. They also let me know they have a spare bedroom if I ever needed it.
I think I can take on meditating. It seems calming and peaceful. I am willing to do anything that will keep my mind busy. I try my hardest to realize that she is not having the same feelings as I am but I am still in a bit of denial and it comes and bite me in my rear hard.
I've been going to IC for a couple years now for treatment from the military. It helps out a lot to have a lending ear and vent out everything. Probably because I am also on medication.
