An email to find out about H’s potential loan. Glad you’re seeing a lawyer soon, you need to firm up the financial protection. The mindset of business deal gone bad, as suggested by HaWho, is a very good one.
Yep, pretty sure H feels cornered. Please stop pushing. Desperate people do desperate things, and you are still tied up with assets, kids, money, etc...
Besides - believe nothing they say and only half of what they do. It apples here pretty well.
H tells you he is unsure and still hasn’t decided what to do. Yet seeks information for a loan and is considering buying a place with OW. All in secret.
Originally Posted by Grace21
I can't leave well enough alone. I don't know if it's the new me that has decided I need to speak out and say "what you are doing is not o.k. with me". Or just spur of the moment acting out on emotions.
H knows how you feel about his actions.
You are responding to emotions. Reattaching to this situation. Hop in your intellectual car for a bit and look at this.
Protect you and the kids. Focus on you and the kids. Remain detached and find indifference. Decide what you want for you and the kids. Leave H to his confusion.
Originally Posted by Grace21
Yet I'm anxious.
How can I be so good just a few short weeks ago. And I feel so incredibly anxious now? Even after the burden that was lifted by finally letting H know his choices are not o.k. Getting it out in the open. I felt great after that, for a short while.
My lack of control over the situation takes my destiny out of my hands.
I fear the unknown. I fear dealing with the fallout, hurt and disappointment of my kids when they learn their dad has chosen a life with a girlfriend while married to their mom. D19 is already fragile.
I fear the daunting task of potentially (likely?) separating our lives completely and forever.
You’ve already illustrated a few causalities for anxiousness.
H knows his choices are not ok. Keep expectation at zero, and let him go.
Fears. You have listed a few. This is good, and a fine place to start.
The unknown.
The hurt. The disappointment. I would look at these separately. Hurt and disappointment of the kids when they learn about their Dad’s choices.
Consider each and dig to see what is tied to your irrational fear. It is usually a few layers deep/removed from the obvious and always ties back to you or affects you. For example fear regarding kids, ends up being something to do with you.
My sister and I, while she was visiting, discussed some of her fears. One was regarding her son and his allergies. Digging, some why questions, some encouragement and she saw her fear has little to do with her son’s allergies. She saw the possible events she fears and now has some work to rationalize and uncouple them.
Grace, feel free to ask me or tell me anything you like. Nothing to fear from me.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
