Anxious, Emotional Neglect, and LRT

[sandi2]

Forgot to mention EA. She wanted to travel by herself post BD. I said yes and foolishly took time off to take care of kids. I wish I set that boundary but I didn't know you all here then. Anyway.

She came back and I was still hoping we could reconcile. In one of her angry monologues she said she didn't love me amd she was in love with someone she met overseas.

So, there's the affair. Is she still in contact with OM, or do you know?

My plan:

GAL. I'm being a bit more scarce at home and plan to ramp it up. Great! Fill up your calendar, so you will always "have plans".
Still spend some time with W, but only if she asks AND I have no plans Good, but I think you'll need to find the strength to tell her you have already made plans.
Still silently take care of cleaning house, kids school prep
Get an atty to understand my options but not to escalate unless W does
Go to gym more You have to schedule and make it one of your priorities, or you'll never have time for it.
Plan potential R topics that might come up and think how to respond like Steve
Stand up to shouting at kids by enforcing a boundary with consequences Okay, good! What will be her consequences? You have to know in advance, not wait until the shouting begins.
Stand up to interference How?
Slow or no response to SMS Are you tough enough to send no response when she asks no questions?
Wait for her to initiate action, be it moving out or legal
Cook a bit on weekends even though I'm terrible Okay, but what is your reason?
Continue to be positive and happy (I am anyway)
Be open that things can go either way

Looks good.

ATM she's in a talkative friendly state. Went with kids to visit a friend's farm for 24 hours. She even is quick to invite me the minute I ask when she's back. But I said I'm doing my own thing.

Great!

One question for all is, she constantly comments about being tired of "doing everything". Not true. Was true, years ago, not now. I dont respond usually although sometime I will validate. Thoughts?

Humm, I wonder who would do the work if she lived alone? As I told another poster yesterday, I don't have a lot of empathy for spoiled women. It sounds as if you are already carrying the burden of keeping the house clean, tending to the kids' needs, etc. IDK if she is hinting for you to do more, so she'll have more playtime, or if she needs to take B12 shot. Maybe you could say, "What do you suggest is a more equal division of chores?"

I've had to work all my married life, raising kids, taking care of everything except some of the major outside jobs. The only time my H offered to cook or sweep a floor was if I was sick in bed. He would watch the kids, as long as they stayed in room with the tv. A few times, I felt sorry for myself and sometimes I resented that he didn't help at all. It was usually when I was so tired when I would come home from my job, I would be on the verge of tears. That's tired! His excuse was that his work was more physically draining than mine. In today's young families, most men know they need to help the working wife/mom b/c of the fast pace in which we live. I am against a man having to take care of the entire home & kids when he has a WW who is a SAHM and she is spoiled, lazy, selfish, with a sense of entitlement. There's a difference in sharing the workload, and doing everything just b/c she complains. That's JMHO.