crd - Simplify. What are the things you do care about? Focus on those. The rest, as stressful as it may be, I suggest you let slide, or you will get in daily battles.
Regarding the work item, what do you want to do? Ignore what your W wants to do. Then discuss in mediation as it does affect both of you, and I think it is wise to try to come to agreement.
Regarding the money - the painter is absolutely argument bait. Ignore it. Let it go. Just my opinion, easy for me to say, it's not my money. For the rent and term, discuss in mediation.
Money is a huge trigger for me as well. I just choose to ignore about 90% of the issues that come up because I want to focus on my own well-being and my kids.
You could also consider separating finances now.
Why do you think you would need to go to litigation? Do you suspect she will sign a lease without your approval, even though you discussed agreeing to this item in mediation? If that is the main sticking point, make it clear to your W now that you expect you will work this out in mediation before she takes any action, but also that you are hopeful you can come to agreement on something that will work for everyone (i.e., you don't need to make it sound like a threat, just a "hey, I'm not okay if you just sign a lease.). Also consider what is your proposal, and at what point you are willing to compromise. Art of negotiating.
Also I would advise not getting into text message conversations on this item. Text messaging is absolutely the worst form of communication. Texts can be misinterpreted in so many ways, and they often are emotion-driven. If she starts a text thread on this topic, just reply, "I would like to discuss this next week in mediation and not over text." I've been in a few text battles the last few weeks, I started replying in this way, and my W stopped. I will use e-mail sometimes as I feel like there is time to reply and be thorough and specific. Now we only text pictures of the kids, and basic logistic information.
