Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

Stressful evening and day. We have a list of things to talk about once D3 is in bed, everything from basic weekly planning (who is taking D3 to swim lessons on Saturday?) to deeper divorce items (e.g. how/when we will purchase the random stuff needed to create a new house). These actually go pretty well for the most part. We seem to both be respectful of each other and willing to work together on our tactical needs and wants. It's funny, those moments are where I'm like "if this is so easy why are we breaking up?" But then we got into the topic of her moving out. To recap and make clear - I'm fine with her moving out (to be honest, I am looking forward to having this all behind me). The issue is how her new apartment is paid for and for how long. That debate doesn't really matter because we had agreed that a) all joint expenses would have to be approved by both of us and b) that this was something that we would discuss at our next mediation session. She casually mentioned that she's having a painter over to the place she found which I ignored (thought it could be bait or maybe she doesn't "get" how stressed this makes me).

Actually, I should break for a sec - it stresses me out because, if it were the other way around, she'd be dropping mediation and going to a litigator. I feel that this is putting me and D3 at an economic disadvantage and is disrespectful. My worry is that the only option I feel I have if she starts taking money out of our joint account is litigation and that will cost us all in so many ways. So, that she's moving out doesn't stress me out - that she will walk all over me and give me no option but to litigate... well, that's terrifying.

So, she got upset last night when I said that I wasn't on board with us jointly paying for her apartment (same as I've written before), she got mad and stormed upstairs (I remained calm). I did validate but she doesn't want to hear it - all she wants is my agreement to give her what she wants. That continued into today with texts, me expressing that I'm concerned about either of us making unilateral decisions about joint items and reiterating that this should be discussed with our mediator who can guide the conversation and document the outcomes.

The other thing she mentioned is that she doesn't want me to mention to colleagues that we are married, that "it is going to make it very uncomfortable for both of us to backtrack and brings our personal situation to work". I don't know what to say to that - she's told at least six people in her org that we are getting divorced and has stopped wearing her ring, but there was no communication to me about her expectations. What should I say when I meet someone and they say "Oh, you're W's husband!"? "Uh, no, actually, we're separated"?

Once again probably just sharing/venting. As noted in previous posts, it's clear that there is no way for me to "win" - she's vilified me. I hate playing into her narrative but I'm not going to compromise my and D3's lives for her sake, and I'm not going to be a doormat.

Overall probably a bit more angry than sad today. Wish we could just be done with this.