H feels cornered. I can feel it. He pretty much said as much to me.
I can't leave well enough alone. I don't know if it's the new me that has decided I need to speak out and say "what you are doing is not o.k. with me". Or just spur of the moment acting out on emotions.
I had a very good hunch (turns out accurate) that H was looking into the feasibility of getting a loan to buy a property. An email came to our joint account today saying that "I understand you are looking for a mortgage or loan".
So I decided to call H to ask him about it. He confirmed. He stated he still hasn't decided what to do. I asked him point blank if he was looking at buying a place with OW. He said they discussed it. He said that after our discussion on Saturday, he feels pushed to make a decision.
I told him that I am not waiting around saying "pick me, pick me, pick me". That forcing him to a decision was not my intent on Satulday. That the intent of Saturday was to open a dialogue. That I did think it was time to have real, authentic conversations. It wasn't fair to me to find out about his potential purchase through an email. I said that if he already made a decision, but he was too afraid to talk to me, that he shouldn't. He said he truly still doesn't know what to do. The only thing he knows is he's stressed.
There was more, but he was very short at the end and just said "Fine" when I said I think I deserve to be told things instead of finding out 2nd hand.
So, think he feels cornered.
He's not capable of having real, authentic dialogues at this time. Maybe he never will be.
I think he will choose OW,
I think that he can't face me.
In spite of the 30 minutes of anxiety over it, I don't feel too bad for pushing it.
Maybe I'm on the home stretch.
Now I have to get ready for happy hour with my girlfriend.
