Ozman. To some degree all of us here are suffering from the same situations weather at the Affairs are people walking away or emotional Affairs or spouse is moving towards divorce plus all the financial and legal battles and all the other crap involved with custody. We go back and forth in our own heads of who we thought this person wasn't who they are now and who we perceive them to be what some of the signs were there all along.

There are going to be moments where you try to convince yourself of something and it won't stick because your emotions conflict with your thoughts, your wants and your needs. Everyday I drive myself [censored] crazy going back and forth between the past memories, who my wife is now what she's doing, and whether she may or may not be cheating. It feels like one gigantic chess board only we're playing multiple boards at the same time trying to figure out all the legal stuff figure out all the emotional stuff from within ourselves and our situation. I know it's all the situations and advise here it gets very confusing because so many things apply to other people situations into our own sich's and it can become overwhelming on what to do because of time being of the essence and learning.

Maybe this will help. There is no one on earth, not even your W or S ( well children are debatable) that is more important than yourself, your well-being, your security, your happiness, your future, and your confidence. No one. Everyday I go through parts of my day being really down on myself and really down on my situation and depressed and then I flip flop between that, then I'm getting cocky with myself that I'm better than this person that's leaving the marriage. I've realized it after reading so many stitches here, all these issues within all these marriages come down to self-respect healthy boundaries wants and needs communication validation compassion self integrity core principles and values.

Everyone here says a lot being happy is a choice. It has to be acquired from within. Even though I've realized this for 7 months in my sich, I was talking a good game but I didn't really believe it. I've also realized that all the self-help stuff my wife is red she also talks a good game but you can tell by her actions she doesn't commit to it or believe it either when it comes to bettering herself. we are most likely divorce in and we are moving towards mediation. maybe we actually will and maybe we actually won't but I'll tell you one thing. If you're going to decide to divorce you better get yourself healthy and in the right mindset and make that decision for a position of strength and confidence and not from weakness and being emotional. It's hard to detach and GAL I know I get it. going through all this both people wind up losing their identities cuz there were coupled together for so long. What I want to end this on is our own happiness is a choice and we do have that choice. When you finally get to that point where you're so tired of being miserable, then you will choose it annual say hey I can control my state of mind I can control my emotions I can control my self despite all this chaos going on around me. When you choose that happiness, then your gal will go from being a distraction to having meaning and purpose. People try to fill emotional voids in their lives by seeking other people or seeking Pleasures or seeking Hobbies or seeking activities oor seeking experiences, or seeking knowledge. All these things are good to pursue but if we're seeking something outside of ourselves to fill that void it will never be filled. Until we starting the side that we want to stop being a bottomless pit that consumes everything around us in hopes of fulfilling a void in our lives. Doesn't matter if it's conference emotional connection sex experiences traveling Pleasures money booze drugs affairs whatever We will never be satisfied. And neither will anyone else pursuing that for those reasons. this is going to sound counterintuitive but I want you to try being so miserable to the point where it's pathetic to where you no longer want to choose misery anymore and choose happiness choose it first and foremost for yourself in every moment and everything that you do and then go and pursue your GAL activities with people that you care about and care for you. if a significant other or a person or a friend or a family member isn't serving your needs at this moment in time then let them go. it took me so long to realize this that that's what everyone was trying to say here in the very beginning about focusing on yourself. You were complete before you met your wife and you can be complete again. do you want to waste more months of your life worrying about how this is all going to turn out? or are you going to make the best of it and make us clearance decisions as possible without all the hemming and hawing and make a good attempt to make the best out of the situation in the best person that you can be. Until we feel enough pain and want to change bad enough to wear want to move away from that pain for ourselves there is no way in hell we could ever attract another person back into our life, or introduce a new person to it for that matter because then we will keep repeating the cycle without any real meaningful change in ourselves. if we want love and our lives we need to choose it and not because we need it. This is essentially what everyone is saying when they say love yourself first. Because no one else is going to do it for you

Last edited by IHCLACS; 07/19/19 07:27 PM.