Summary to date: W was unhappy in 2018 and probably a few years earlier about her lack of career advancement, responsibilities of being a mother and wife, and lack of connection in our MR. She became involved in an EA with a co-worker in August. She was going to an IC without my knowledge and came to the determination that I was the cause of her unhappiness. BD and IHS in November. I made all of the classic mistakes of begging, pleading, doing all the chores (super husband), etc. She became obsessed with her physical appearance. Spending money on facial treatments, anti-aging creams, manicures, pedicures, etc. She was seduced by a 25 year old pickup artist (OM1) at a downtown bar and had a PA a couple weeks later which evolved into a limerant relationship. W went deeply underground with her smartphone when I found out and confronted. She has experienced the highest of highs when OM contacts her and the lowest of lows when ignored. She is full blown GGW and is currently cycling between at least 5 OM. W has distanced herself from anyone of strong moral character and primarily interacts with a recently divorced woman that became her BFF last year. W bought her own house and moved out in early April. We have arranged 50/50 custody of our kids, S8 and D4, rotating every few days.
I would characterize myself of experiencing PTSD symptoms after BD/PA discovery for about 4 months. Way too much pursuit, pressure, and R talk. I became obsessed with snooping and trying to identify and over-analyze everything that went wrong in our MR that led us to this state. In doing so, I pushed her farther and farther away. I've heard just about every WW catch phrase from her along with way. She has re-written our MR history and focuses on all the negatives. I've been doing a much better job of GAL and detaching since late February. Contact right now is like a business relationship, mostly limited to co-parenting and logistics. I confronted her in early May about no longer living in an open marriage. Her response was basically laughter and she said if you want a divorce, then she's all for it. That night she sent me an email requesting that I gather all of my financial records and decide what items I want to keep by the end of May. She hasn't mentioned it since.
The EAs/PAs with multiple OM continue. When we do interact, she generally treats me nice. I am securely in the friend zone as I’ve allowed her to cake eat this entire time with her horse at our marital home. I am living in limbo which [censored], but I’m having a great time with my kids when they are with me. Also getting out doing activities I enjoy and spending time with friends.
I feel that I’m at a crossroads, some days I just want to file for D because I don’t trust her and don’t know if I ever will be able to again. Other days I think maybe I need to continue giving her Time and Space. My son specifically asked me not to quit. So, I’m torn between doing what’s right and in line with my morals versus my kids hopes and my dreams of what a happy future our family could have if she ended her affairs and wanted to R.
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20
