Yeah, he was a setup for a midlife crisis: retiring from being an athlete ( without the fame and fortune he probably sought, I'm guessing?) AND his father dying. That's a setup for feeling like life is passing you by and you better go do what you want before you're dead.
Your guess about an OW not wanting him to go on a trip with you may be a good one.
What is he doing for work now that he's out of sports? How will he pay child support? Are there any jointly owned assets or debts?
Thanks peace, I have a fun weekend planned with the kids. Hope you have a good one too!
Kml, I agree that he was a great candidate for mlc, I think he wasn’t bothered about fame etc but being a military man previous, it’s always been about having a goal and Challenge and now he has none.
He works full time in a “normal” job and has a new group of work mates he socialises with who I have never met. Only been in this job 8 months and he hated it until May when suddenly he loves it. Coincidence I think not (BD in May).
No debts but no real assets, only cars. We rent the house. He now plans on living with a “friend” next week before we go away as he can’t stand me at the minute and I am not the person he knows (since doing 180s) I would have always begged for him to stay if he ever threatened to leave in the past and I haven’t done that this time. I simply told him how I felt and that I wanted to save us. That was weeks ago.
I’m playing it coo and keeping calm. Think I need some stronger goals though to work towards.
He works full time in a “normal” job and has a new group of work mates he socialises with who I have never met. Only been in this job 8 months and he hated it until May when suddenly he loves it. Coincidence I think not (BD in May
Oh yeah - I'm sorry, there's an OW. Odds are good he's lied to her about your relationship.
I'm curious - how come you guys never married before? After three kids it seems odd. Was it his decision or yours? Who benefitted by not being married?
Yea I think definitely another woman. Should I let it be or snoop? We had 3 kids very close together, travelled with his sport round the world. Marriage just kept getting put back. Also, money was tight. We had said that we would go to vegas this year just us and the kids to get married which was the plan before all this.
Always in a major argument he would start packing bags, and say he was going. I would cry and beg him not to. This time I've agreed with him. He seems to be in a rush to leave now.
You see how controlling that was? He's packing and leaving unless you give up your wants and needs? Unless you shoulder responsibility for all that's wrong in the relationship? You sacrificed in order for him to pursue his athletic dreams and what you have to show for it is three kids and no assets.
Look at the things he wasn't. He wasn't the guy who wanted to rush to marry you and create a stable home for his family. He wasn't the guy who put aside his dreams to be a good family man who put his family's future first. I'm willing to bet you did the majority of compromising and accommodating in this relationship.
You didn't push him out. You stopped letting him play his controlling game.
It may be worth knowing who the OW is IF you can control yourself. Just so you know who she is in future interactions.
You could tell your H he's free to go, but in leaving his family and his loving partner he's leaving the best thing he ever had, just for a piece of a**. And that you hope he's at peace with the fact that another man will likely end up raising his children.
...... I believe he will move out then suddenly announce he has met this ow. I would like to find out before so that he is held accountable. However, I would still want to reconcile so would I be pushing him further towards her by confronting him?
I don't want to be seen as a doormat. At the minute he wants out and that's it. I could make the whole thing worse. I would also like her to know that he has lied about me if that's the case. It's a tough call.
Do I carry on with me, not try and fins out all the info and see if it comes to a natural end?
Thanks kml. You are correct with everything. I graduated University pregnant with our first child then supported him to follow his dreams. I don't regret it because I love him, but he has done everything he ever wanted with a very loose leash.
I fully supported and never questioned anything. I have found myself again this year and am no longer a push over.
I would like to know all the facts and am pretty calm/laid back but If I find out there is the likely ow I don't know how to play it. If I tell him to go, he will only go to her anyway. Or do I wait till he leaves and make it known that I know - that may be the better way?
Thanks so much for the support, you are all helping me a great deal.
