What kind of actions do i need to look for in her?
You don't! Watching her like this is pursuit and pressure. You have to let her go to get her back. That means NOT watching her for reactions. The worst way to DB is to think "I'll do X, and see if she reacts with & or Z!" STOP THAT.
Originally Posted by Jb2019
And i know what the book says on making her pursue me and be interested in me but i don’t fully understand it or how to do it. What kind of actions do i need to take?
Go read the distance and pursuit thread. When you distance yourself, detach, remove all pressure and pursuit, she will wonder what is up and come sniffing around.
Originally Posted by Jb2019
Do i need to do 180s compared to when things weren’t like this (like helping clean and stuff, i never helped before, or initiating sex and touching, another thing i never did)?
Have you heard the analogy of the car? Your MR is like a car. Do the routine maintenance like changing the oil, and rotating the tires, and you can avoid a breakdown. However if you don't do the routine maintenance, you will eventually suffer a breakdown. After a breakdown doing routine maintenance would be a waste of time. Changing oil and rotating the tires after the engine has thrown a rod won't fix the problem...and in fact would be a waste of time.
Cleaning. Initiating sex. Touching. That's all routine maintenance. Your MR's engine is blown now. And doing those thins will not help.
Originally Posted by Jb2019
I’m too much of an emotional person and care too much about her and want things to work that i’m afraid what will happen if i do some of the things the book says, i also wouldn’t know how to do it. I’m sorry if i keep repeating things but it’s hard for me to comprehend all this and gauge how things are going
We create what we fear. Have you ever heard that? Someone that fears getting into an accident will usually drive in such a way that they are more likely to get into an accident. Do not fear DBing. You have two choices: DB, or pressure and pursue.
Pressure and pursuit will almost guarantee pushing her further away. DBing give you a better chance of getting what you want. It is NOT a guarantee, it just improves the chances. The other thing that DBing does is fix the very problem you stated: "I’m too much of an emotional person and care too much about her and want things to work that i’m afraid what will happen" Once you lovingly detach. Go out and GAL. And 180 on bad behaviors so that you improve as a person....then you will realize that you are going to be just fine no matter WHAT happens in with your W.
The first 180 I'd make is to drop the fear. And DB like a bad man! Doubledown on GAL. Work on learning what loving detachment is and work on it. And then get into IC to address your personality problems. Use this opportunity to fix yourself. In the process she may be attracted back to you.
One last thing. For women, attraction follows respect. You cannot reattract her back unless she respects you. "Get me an energy drink. Be my DD. Move into the garage." Does any of that engender respect? Start commanding respect. "No sorry, I am busy, I can't get you an energy drink or be your DD." "I will not move into the garage." She might get mad but she WILL respect you. You cannot nice her back into committing to the marriage.
Check out the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy." I am detecting some Nice Guy Syndrome issues in you Jb.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
