Hey Oz....I've been here too. It is very hard to "blow it up" with only 95% proof. Better be 100% sure before confronting otherwise you look paranoid, controlling etc.
She needs to know that you know...with proof....only at that point can she realize that this is a crossroads for your M.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
Steve I don’t know what your asking for in what has changed. I guess she is just being more and more blatant with the msging. It doesn’t bother her to do it in front of me any more I don’t think. I don’t know how to get proof. You guys told me not to go searching.
It’s like she wants me to ask who she is msging
I just looked back through our old texts. There is no way she was faking all the stuff she was sending me. Lots of hearts and stuff. Although it seems like the last few months that there were more of those than normal. Like it was her last ditch effort ir something.
What’s sad. I didn’t reply to a lot of those nice msgs. I was too busy with whatever at the time
I hate this. I can’t belive it. I just want to rewind the clock
Very normal feeling you are having...we can't go back but we must learn moving forward.
Not sure about all of the texting to you and stuff. I can tell you looking back when my WW started her A and I didn't know about it yet, she was sweet as pie to me....almost her effort to make sure I had no idea what was going on.
H-50 W-48 T-19 M -18 S23, S14 BD - 5/9/2018 OM discovered 5/10/2018
In house sep - 8/18/2018 Rope drop 2/15/2019 R'ing since 3/15/2019
There are various opinions on here because we are all individuals human beings. The advice typically is that once you confirm an A there is no point to search further. If you’re are not prepared to take action then do not pursue it right now.
Steve85, I just love your assertive anti-NG scenarios. I took your advice on my thread about sleeping separately on vacay. I even used your words too. I've never been so strong like that before in my life, let alone with W. OMG she was like a dog chasing her tail. Once she calmed down she hasn't confronted me with any R talk since. I've been reading a few of your advices on this and what I like is that it's not only overly strong and even shocking, but the reasoning is just spot on. Shock and awe.
Steve I don’t know what your asking for in what has changed. I guess she is just being more and more blatant with the msging. It doesn’t bother her to do it in front of me any more I don’t think. I don’t know how to get proof. You guys told me not to go searching.
It’s like she wants me to ask who she is msging
I still question whether this is a change, or are you just hurt by her refusing to share the bathroom.
Its like this:
WAW BD's LBH.
LBH goes into super husband mode.....things improve and LBH almost feels like WAW is changing her mind. In meantime, WAW feels since BD that she now is the end phase of ending her marriage, so her behavior becomes more brazen. She texts other men, goes out and parties, she rendezvous' with OM, whatever the behavior is (this hypothetical, not necessarily your exact sitch), because in her mind the marriage is already over. (Many of us have heard those exact words from our WAW.)
LBH sees better behavior from his WAW has improved, gets more embolden, pursues and gets slapped down.
Suddenly LBH thinks everything is terrible (because he is hurt) and starts to nitpick things he was letting go before the slap down. NOTHING has changed, except LBH's perception of his standing with WAW.
Originally Posted by ozman
I just looked back through our old texts. There is no way she was faking all the stuff she was sending me. Lots of hearts and stuff. Although it seems like the last few months that there were more of those than normal. Like it was her last ditch effort ir something.
What’s sad. I didn’t reply to a lot of those nice msgs. I was too busy with whatever at the time
I hate this. I can’t believe it. I just want to rewind the clock
STOP You are spinning. Take deep breaths. Take a step back. The not sharing the bathroom with you yesterday IS NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. As R2C pointed out your mistake wasn't even asking to share the bathroom. It was agreeing to swim with her TO BEGIN WITH!
This is all a result of ozman being too available, and not going out and getting his own life. You are several threads in and still not getting a lot of this. Drop the rope. Let her go. Go get a life and leave her to figure out her own crap.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Steve85, I just love your assertive anti-NG scenarios. I took your advice on my thread about sleeping separately on vacay. I even used your words too. I've never been so strong like that before in my life, let alone with W. OMG she was like a dog chasing her tail. Once she calmed down she hasn't confronted me with any R talk since. I've been reading a few of your advices on this and what I like is that it's not only overly strong and even shocking, but the reasoning is just spot on. Shock and awe.
Thanks Josh! Glad it helped. Some of the best advice I got here was "you cannot nice her back". Ozman has admitted to getting BD'd, and then becoming super Husband to turn things around. I feel like he still thinks that is the way he is going to save his MR. I think this time is different. And deep down he knows that too, which is why he came here.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Damn Steve. Something just clicked. I don’t know what. But something did. Let’s see if this is right
1 When she Bd me, in her head, she ended the marriage, whevwassnt wearing her ring, it’s just over
2 I DID go into super husband mode. Which seem to puss her off at first. Then she actually told me she appreciates it
3. I asked her who you talking too a while back “my sister, but it doesn’t matter” was her reply. Because in her head she can text whoever she wants cause we are done right?
4. She became nicer to me and more drawn to me because I removed pressure. But it didn’t mean anything just that we know each other and she is comfortable and I’m just a friend
5 it’s all over and I have a tiny chance but it’s not likely
Damn Steve. Something just clicked. I don’t know what. But something did. Let’s see if this is right
1 When she Bd me, in her head, she ended the marriage, whevwassnt wearing her ring, it’s just over
2 I DID go into super husband mode. Which seem to puss her off at first. Then she actually told me she appreciates it
3. I asked her who you talking too a while back “my sister, but it doesn’t matter” was her reply. Because in her head she can text whoever she wants cause we are done right?
4. She became nicer to me and more drawn to me because I removed pressure. But it didn’t mean anything just that we know each other and she is comfortable and I’m just a friend
5 it’s all over and I have a tiny chance but it’s not likely
