What I don’t know how to do is handle this. I can’t seperate detachment and love in my head. I can’t do it in real life either. If I detach where what she does doesn’t bother me. That means I have no love left for her. They go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. Why does she think she can do this.
Absolutes will kill you. There are no absolutes. You CAN detach...AND love her. Many of us have done it!! I think the problem you are having is a misconception on both detachment AND love. Most guys have the wrong idea of love.
So take some time to think and tell me what you think both are. Tell me what you think detachment is. And then tell me what you think love is.
Originally Posted by ozman
I have very little doubt she is having an EA. She spends loads if time in bathroom. Not normal. Always msging on her phone.
Yep, serious red flags. So what does that mean? Let's assume she is in an EA and a PA. What does that change for you? You've said you think you can get over that. Fine. But in the meantime what does it mean? Are you willing to kick her out of the MBR? Are you willing to tell her that she can't come back to the MBR until any EA or PA is over with full transparency? What ACTIONS are you going to take if there is an EA and/or PA?
Originally Posted by ozman
How is not just saying “ok fine. Let’s get divorced” not the ultimate dB. If Tarzan is up there lookin for a vine to grab into. Maybe I should be up there with a pair of scissors
You can do that. But don't do it just to manipulate her back or out of her A. Do ONLY when you are ready to be D'd. If you say that do not be surprised if you end up D'd. Lots of LBSs have taken this tack "I will tell her I want a D, that will snap her out of it!" and then are shocked when the end up D'd. So only take that step WHEN you are ready to be D'd.
Originally Posted by ozman
You guys warned me. But I got too happy about her wanting to be close to me and talk to me and sit beside me that I forgot she is also cruel and mean and a cheater
We've been there. We've done that. We are warning LBSs about things to be mean, or because we don't want you to succeed. We've all seen it in our own sitches. And in others' sitches.
Originally Posted by ozman
She told me years ago she has cheated in every boyfriend she has ever had. Guess once a cheater always a cheater
Interesting information that you should have shared with us a long time ago. ozman, yes typically a leopard doesn't change their spots. Unfortunately. Did you ever wonder why she told you that? Was it a warning? When you couple that history with your relationships beginnings, there are a lot of red flags here. This is going to be hard. The odds are stacked against you. It is time to gird up your loins and get ready for a lot of work, no matter how this turns out. Oh and we are back to Darth Vader using the force to sleep if the edge again
Originally Posted by ozman
What did I do to set her back. I don’t get it. The bathroom thing?
Yes. Pressure and pursuit will set you back 99.99999999999%. Again, we've all seen it before. This is why we warned you not to apply any pressure or pursuit. Even joejoe's advice was to give her some emotional support to see where it led, not to offer to get naked with her.
You touched the pot. You got burned. Learn from it.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
