Thanks JoeJoe, you are right, the man cannot rescue her from the pain. He can be there and give her encouragement to press on, and she may need a doctor to assist, but ultimately she is the one that has to do the hard part.
And, just like when women go into labor to birth a baby, not every woman takes the same amount of time. Some women have a much harder time with the delivery than other women.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
There are definitely plenty of road blocks, and I wouldn't let her just come back without putting in the work. I think she has been seeing some kind of therapist, but I also think her friends are still a major influence on her life.
I'm not interested in her just showing up, sweeping stuff under the rug, etc.
I've also come to terms with it just being over. It still annoys me. It still feels unfair. But I'm okay, and I will continue to get better. And there's nothing she can do to stop me.
I hope she is coming around to stuff. But I know she's not ready. So I'm not in a hurry.
Keep Strong, Stoic , Self-accepting, Self-assured, Self-confident, Self-disciplined, Steadfast , Sturdy and Sentered ( had to cheat on the last one , but you get the gist ) Smile and wave, smile and wave . You can do it
"They" being your W and her L? My XW pulled something similar, objected to the settlement at the very last minute. The settlement that SHE drafted up. She sent me an email stating that she wanted to adjust the settlement amount upwards by 7k or so, and the reasons (I kid you not) were complete gibberish that made no sense at all. I asked her if we could meet to review it and she blew her top for absolutely no reason. Said "no forget it we'll just let the lawyers fight it out in court, and I promise you will NOT come out on the better end of it." I explained to her that I just wanted to understand her reasons as the email didn't make sense. Nope, she didn't want to talk about it. Up to that point everything had been handled quite amicably, I have no idea why the sudden change in her. After thinking about it a few days I told her I still didn't understand her reasoning, but trusted that she felt it was fair and to modify the paperwork and I would sign it. And that's what we did. I probably would have spent at least 7k in legal fees (and she would have too) trying to battle it out with her, and the thought of a long, drawn out court fight just had me spiraling all over again. So that 7k was worth my peace of mind!
