I will continue on with me and the children. I have decided to not try and find evidence relating to the probability of OW right now as it will only hurt me. We are going on holiday/vacation for 2 weeks at the end of the month, which is why I have decided to not snoop as I would like the children to have the best time.
H has said that he will be moving out when we come back from holiday, so I will wait and see if that actually happens.
I have also signed up for telephone coaching so hopefully will be able to gain advice/create a plan before we go.
So, he just brought up moving out again. Custody of the kids, how it will work. etc etc and this is where I do not know what to say/do!
I just agreed with everything he said but he started on some nasty stuff. Asked why I have changed over the past few weeks and if I am on drugs?! (Since doing LRT) said he doesn’t like who I am at the minute. It was rough.
He sees the changes and in his mind, he thinks you are doing it just to make him rethink what he is doing. Your changes have to become permanent and not just a ploy to him. Don't change a thing back to the way you use to do them.
When he spouts about things that he's unhappy about just say "h, I'm sorry you feel the way that you do" and just leave it be.
You will learn to dislike his behavior more and more. He's picking a fight to justify everything he's doing and to help him make the decision to leave. If he wants to leave, he'll do it under his own steam.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Job, he pushes and pushes for a reaction. I didn’t raise my voice at all nor get upset. He said he didn’t like me as a person anymore and I said I’m sorry he feels that way.
He talked about not coming on holiday or if he comes we take it in turns on days out with the kids which I think is ridiculous.
Try to look at his behavior as a two year old acting out. He wants attention no matter if it's good or bad. Yes, he is doing a lot of pushing to get the old Kirsty to react. The more you remain calm, the more he's going to try your patience.
Well, if he doesn't want to come away on holiday, that's on him. He won't be hurting anyone but himself.
Stay the course and know that when he finally realizes that he's not getting any where being a spoiled two year old, he will try being nice and attempt to suck you back into his game of distancer/pursuer.
Hang in there, dig deeper for patience and continue to be YOU!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The holiday may be a difficult one especially if he stays in this mood
I would get myself ready to expect anything and plan on being ok with everything- Make plans to have fun with the kids no matter what mood he is in
They do say stuff to get a reaction, so you did great not allowing him to push your buttons
continue to do as your are.. you will know more as time passes and you see if he follows through with leaving
Did you get a consult with an attorney? Are you watching the finances very important to get all the information you can to protect yourself and the kids
MLCers change so quickly and the man we think we knew is totally gone-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
In past arguments during our relationship he would always blow up in anger, say hurtful things etc and I would be silent usually crying. At the minute I am listening and trying to validate his feelings but am still quiet. (not crying) Should I carry on with this tactic or try another?
I haven't met with an attorney as we aren't married. We have been together 14 years and engaged for 12, and were looking at finally getting married this year. I think this has been an issue also for both of us as we desperately wanted to get married but had struggles along the way. H was an athlete so we travelled all over with 3 young children, and money was tight. We had zero help from anyone but that brought us closer. Since he retired last summer alongside his fathers passing, he has been more emotional and this is where I failed to meet his needs due to working full time and juggling the kids.
He knows how I feel. I have told him I would like to save the relationship, draw a line under the old one and start a new one together. I haven't mentioned it for a few weeks as that was driving him more away.
He plans to move out 2 days after we return from the holiday. He said that he will not live locally and that there will be zero contact as we can pass messages through the children. (unrealistic and unfair on the kids).
He came home from work really down/depressed looking last night, then brought all this up again about not coming on holiday or doing a week each etc. I am starting to wonder if there is another woman if she is putting pressure on him and doesn't like the fact that we are going away together. Who knows, and I know I should let all those thoughts go.
I tried a lot of strategies to try to get him back-nothing worked It was a very painful time
Even though you are not Married, I would get some legal advice many attorneys will do a free initial consult and during that free hour, they usually will let you know your options i found it so empowering to know that me and my kids would be ok financially and I actually had options especially if you own property or have shared assets or accounts
If you share a credit card, I would get your name off of his cards and make sure you are not linked up to his card in any way MY xh was always good with money until MLC..He started gambling , he put our thriving business in debt all without me knowing He also racked up a lot of credit card debt. which he never paid and because I took my name off all cards and seperated all accounts, they could not come after me-
In my experience with MLC and reading the stories here- I would strongly suggest to research/save any financial resources, and get legal advice anyway-
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
