Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

Finally, Txhubby had had enough and one day he posted that he was wanting to walk away. He sounded much like a WAH to me, and I responded to him a couple of times about it. Next thing I knew, he was posting his story, or rather the updated version, and telling all the LBS's not to put up with what he had tolerated. He was done with his W and walking out the door...

I think in many cases, the H has to reach the point that Txhubby reached. I hope you aren't one of those who will just be beaten up until there is no nothing else to beat out of you. I'd rather think you will be like Txhubby and one day it will hit you and you'll be done with it. Until then, I don't think what we say is going to make a big difference in what action you decide to take......and I don't mean that sarcastically.

I feel that I’m at the same point TxHubby reached. I’ve endured a ton of internal pain, witnessed and discovered things that I never thought were possible with my W, haven’t exposed her proclivities to others, and primarily relied on the support here and in my faith. You are right that the LBH has to take that leap when they are ready. We hear the repeated advice to drop the rope, but putting it into practice and truly living it takes commitment to not looking back.

C, Why not just file?

It is important to me to know that I gave her the opportunity and choice directly to work on our MR before filing. It’s just something I need to do for myself and if my kids ever ask if I did everything I could in the future. Doing this will help me gain closure and serve as a milestone to fully drop the rope.

Adding to that, S8 asked me this morning if we were going to have to leave our house. I told him I don’t see that happening anytime soon and that’s why I’ve been fighting so long for mom and haven’t given up. He then asked me if I was going to quit. I didn’t know how to answer him, but it really got me thinking. I’ve been giving my all for the long-term vision of what I value and believe is best for my family. My sitch has also served to teach my kids the importance of commitment, loyalty, honesty, integrity, love, and forgiveness. S8 wants me to continue standing and I want to do what’s right in his eyes without completely losing myself in the process.

My focus right now is putting everything into perspective and deciding on the timing of putting my plan into action.

LH, your recommendation to cut out the friend activities is a good start.

I don't know how many times I've read where you say you aren't completely detached yet. I read some others say the same thing. Do you see detaching as not loving her anymore?

No, I don’t see detachment as no longer loving her. I see it as her words and actions not having control over me. My problem is that they still do at times. For instance, when she receives a text around me, it triggers an emotional response that it is one of the OM and that causes my mood to change and I feel angry, hurt, and betrayed.

I’ve come a long way in terms of accepting that she has her own life and letting go of outcomes. However, there are still a few triggers that cause the emotion to flood back in and I think it’s because surviving and recovering from infidelity is one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. I know it has been for me at least. Especially because her infidelity persists.