Go back and read my threads. I tried to blame my W's behavior on her meds too. It isn't the meds (at least not entirely).
Originally Posted by Jb2019
Why is she sending mixed signals? Good things happen but then today she said we need to talk discuss the living arrangements.. that knocked me back down, i don’t even know what to say or how to react. I’ve been trying to do the right things and improve myself, i even handled things very well when she brought this up last week, the living arrangements and divorce. I let her know i’m devoted to changing for myself as well as for her so i can still be happy no matter what she decides. She’s been very unlike herself, hasn’t been saving money or spending wisely, oversleeping, like she’s a different person.
Welcome to the world of the WAW/WW! They are a roller-coaster of words, emotions, and actions. Read other people's sitches here and you will see the same behaviors pretty much across the board.
jb, did you read Cadet's links in his welcome message? If not, do yourself a huge favor, go to the top of forum and click on that thread. Read all of the links. Thoroughly. Take notes if you need to. The fact that you asked this questions makes me question if you have a good grasp of the dynamics at play here.
One other thing. DROP the "as well as for her so i can still be happy no matter what she decides". Working on you should be solely for you. If she takes notice and likes the changes, great. If not, just as well! So many LBSs do the checking over their shoulder while DBing to gauge if that is having an effect. WASs are notoriously good at rooting out this manipulative behavior. They will see it as you changing for show, instead of changing for real and permanently. Many of us were accused of changing "just to get me to change my mind" during our sitches. This is why words are meaningless.
Don't tell her that with your changes she can be happy no matter what she decides......show that to her. The best way to do that is to institute the changes whether she notices or not. Whether she reacts positively or negatively to them. In other words, change because YOU need to change. Regardless of her.
Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint. You can't change in a few days or weeks what took years to get into. Dig in for the long haul. Remember all of the things you learn in reading the welcome links.
One last thing, it appears you are watching her like a hawk. "She’s been very unlike herself, hasn’t been saving money or spending wisely, oversleeping, like she’s a different person." At this point you shouldn't even be noticing that! You should be GAL, detaching and working on cementing your 180s. The fact that you are watching her so closely will make her feel like a caged animal. That is pressure and pursuit. You have to let her go to get her back.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
