Gerda's Prayer Takes the Form of Angels

[Gerda]

I will write more later, but thank you, DnJ and Job, all your words are true and good and right. I know I will get there, just being honest about today's hole.

But about the money -- first off, $500 is a joke where I live. It is amazing for me to get that since so far I got nothing, though really it is just coming off what I am being forced to pay him each month.

I am not sure my L is tough enough. H's L is so disgusting that he has a direct ticket to Hades upon his death, but I think my L could be a little more disgusting in order to play this game. I know my L wants the judge to think well of him because he has to go there so often, whereas H's L is not from the city and rarely comes here and is in general a disgusting barbarian.

But anyway the point is -- I agree about the money and division. And I have offered, for example, 18 months to buy H out or sell the house. I figured we would end up at a year, so that I would have a year to try to refinance and also for the kids to heal a little before being uprooted. But they believe I am hiding money, despite having all the bank statements, tax returns, etc. And his L wants to make as much money as possible before this ends. So his L is constantly writing letters and demanding more things and just announced we are doing depositions! He is a money grubbing dirtbag and is trying to milk H for all he has, and because the friend who is financing this is so rich (and I begin to wonder about their relationship, honestly), M just keeps paying. His L also lies constantly in court, and we don't even get the judge, it's all the court attorney at these conferences, so his L barks out numbers about the value of our house that are false, makes up numbers about how much I earn. They all look at the papers and say, I don't even understand how she is living on this, it's not possible, but then if I try to say anything they tell me to shut up and H's L keeps implying that I am hiding money or that my dad is paying for everything. Everyone ends up screaming and I am not allowed to talk. It reminds me of the scene in Clockwork Orange where Alex has his eyes propped open with toothpicks.

As an example -- they wouldn't accept any appraiser name I gave, so the court gave us a name and put it in the order. We called that person and they said $1200 for the appraisal. Which is double the quotes I got, but okay, was ready to go,and then H's L said that it was a business and had to be assessed for the business so the appraiser said $4500!!! I said no and gave the names again, figuring H would not want to pay half of $4500 but they refused to use anyone else and H just kept saying he would borrow the money for the appraisal from that friend. So the court ordered us to come up with this money by Friday for the $4500 appraisal!!!! No one cares that I have no money left or that I am alone caring for the kids, no one cares that H is paying $2500 for an apartment but won't buy his kids an apple.

So that is what I mean. I am ready to split everything and really really want to have no financial ties to H ever again, no matter if he comes back or not, and I am trying to refi my place long before the 18 month mark, but I have to repair my credit since H destroyed it, and this takes time (and money). But H is so thirsty for his blood money and so unwilling to actually get a job that he is just vicious every time.