The only way I am ever going to change is by letting this all go, and I can't do that anymore in IHS.
I thought you were physically separated!
Okay, then the sooner you can separate physically, the better you may start to feel. Maybe even taking a break from the board will help. You spend an enormous amount of time & energy in the posts you write every day. Maybe it is your way of venting, but perhaps you need to find more balance in spending time on the board and GAL. ((hugs))
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I can't do that. I can't do that when she wants out. I can't do that if I have to experience her emotional blame about why I can't stick to her agenda and timeline, and I get more blame and shame about what it doesn't work for her. I handled it as calm as I could. I still have attorneys to consult with. she wants to refinance by the end of the month and consolidate all of our debts, and she wants an answer by this Friday. It got a little heated. We both calmed down and agreed to work together to push forward, work together to make this happen. Im miserable dealing with this and living life like this.
I remember when you first joined the board, you said something to the effect of having the love for debate, especially political views (which covers a vast area these days). Your posts often reflect this, and that's okay as long as it is beneficial to you or someone else. My concern is for you, and I can't help but wonder if your fight is more about winning this debate with your W. You've been it in for the fight, and to win it, IMHO. However, it has nibbled away at you, and you need to end the fight. Nobody wins in a divorce. Fighting her over every single thing will eventually wear you down and corrupt your spirit until your mind is filled with nothing but negative views. I know, b/c I've been there myself. Talking about it may help to some degree, as far as getting it off your chest. However, it doesn't resolve anything.
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We both calmed down and agreed to work together to push forward, work together to make this happen. Im miserable dealing with this and living life like this. All of you here encouraged dropping the rope, so I did. She wants divorce. She seems hesitant first, so I asked her several times are you sure this is what you want? She's sure. I'm not going back on this process. Im done waiting around for her to figure out herself, her identity, the marriage, where she wants to live, and who she wants to blame for it. Im tired of everything being all my fault and never being appreciated for the things I did do right.
Of course you are tired. It's time to let it go. You need time away from her, to heal your wounds. Don't give up on life. You are facing a new chapter with new adventures. There are good women still left in this world. They aren't all the way you've described your WW. My prayer for you is that this experience will not leave you bitter against all women.
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As much as it hurts I have to move forward, I don't have the patience left to hold out for this marriage anymore. Now I can relax my mind of her and put my mind on moving forward. so yeah there is a little bit of pain and regret but there is also relief. I'm choosing not to lie around for 2 years to see what happens. maybe we'll get back together after divorce and maybe we won't I really don't care anymore.
I really hope you can find the peace you need. Find something that will help you get your mind off your W and the sitch.
(((hugs)))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I thought you were physically separated! 