Persistent Endurance (Part 4)

[curtis7]

AnotherStander
Tell her you know where she was (but don't disclose how you know, it doesn't matter and if you tell her she will just accuse you of snooping like you are the bad guy here). Tell her she's blown her last chance and you are done, you are not going to stay married to a lying cheater. Be ready for her to get angry, if she does then tell her there's nothing more to discuss and walk away. This may be one of the hardest things you've done but it will put you back in a position of power over your life.

The Couples Expert Podcast
There is no one else that is more important to me, my partner, the person I’ve made that commitment to, to spend my life with, to share a life...but I will not share you with another man. I will NOT live in an open marriage.

Lee Baucom
“I will no longer live in an open marriage. I am asking you to break off all contact with other men.”

P_Jam
I love you too and I wish you happiness and I really hope you find what you're looking for. I need this time/space just as much as you and I will not be in an open relationship with you, nor will I be your plan B. I do not think we should co-mingle our lives and confuse the kids. I'm not sure if I've made this crystal clear in the past but... While you are out seeing other people trying to find "Mr- Right" I will NOT BE AN OPTION FOR YOU! I'm going to focus on moving on and working on me. If things change for you and you want to talk about a future then you can let me know. (I'm not 100% sure but I think she almost started to cry here and had to hold it back)

Bustorama
In my opinion, what ultimately really turned things around or brought things to a head, were my trying to move on after all of the above -- a hard core form of last resort technique I suppose (and it wasn't a technique, it really was where I was at). I told her I respected her decision not to work on our marriage, that I would have preferred to work things out, but that I understood that is not what she wanted, and I would move on with my life accordingly. No anger, no threats, no pleading, just I accept this is what you want, I agree with you, and I will live my life accordingly, I will be putting my things into order to file for divorce. Then I said that I would only contact her in the context of emergency issues concerning the kids and I would only respond to her for same (not punitively, just because that's what I felt I needed to move on). And I went full no contact and kept living my life. For several weeks of this, there was no contact at all from her.

Bustorama
"W, this separation situation isn't working for me anymore. I enjoy spending time with you when we are together, but I want more [commitment, love, time together, investment in our M, whatever] from my W than you are giving me. I'm not ok with going on like this anymore, so I will file for D. Can you please pass on your attorney's name to me? We can be good co-parents to our S together and maybe even friends after things settle down."

This separation situation isn't working for me anymore.
I am not ok with being in a M where we aren't [connecting, commmited to each other, loving, spending time together, investing in our M, whatever] or with being outside my family home. I am also not ok with sharing my W another M while she tests the waters. If you want to carry on with him, then it is time that you move out of the family home. I will help you pack your things if that is what you want."

I ultimately told her that I had had enough of the separation, and I accepted that she didn't want to be with me. I said I didn't want to be with her either since I wanted to be with someone who wanted to be with me. I told her I wanted NO CONTACT with her except for emergency stuff about kids to make it easier for me to move on. And I held to that (fairly well) for a few months. Then I told my W I was going to file for divorce, that it was time for me to move on legally.

Unknown
"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

Unknown
I realized it was just a piece of paper and if she really loved me and wanted things to work, she would be at home with me trying to make it work instead of banging other dudes.

Unknown
I have not been living in reality, but fantasy. Marriages are hard, relationships are hard. When we take the right approaches, we can have fulfilling loving relationship. When we accept the reality of our situations we can grow. Let go of the fantasies and begin the healing process and grow.

Unknown
I feel like I don’t know you anymore. Your actions and treatment of me is so far departed from what I have to come to know that I no longer understand your ethical morals and values. I have always known you to be the kindest warm hearted person that goes out of her way for her family and those you love and care about. I feel like I am no longer in that circle of people in your life. I don’t know if you are intentionally trying to hurt me or if it’s just collateral damage because I’m still around you. I have been foolish to think that X years in a relationship actually meant something to you and that I was someone in your life that you wouldn’t lie to and betray.

Unknown
Don’t chase someone who doesn’t want to be with you...especially a spouse!

The past is history, the future is a mystery, and the present is a gift.

Unknown
I want to be your husband, your best friend, your lover, the man you want to share your life with, the man you come to for support when things aren’t going well, the man that you experience all of your greatest moments with. I want you, I’ve always wanted you. I have a great life, but it’s better with you. You are the most important person in my life and I want to heal our marriage. I know you are reluctant, and I respect your feelings. Still, I need to move forward in life. If you don’t share my desire to remain married and work on us, then I will be sad, but I will know it’s time to move on.

Unknown
I have decided that this isn’t working for me either. I have needs that aren’t being met. I want to give and receive love. I prefer that be with you. Based on everything you’ve shared over the past X months, I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you to be married to me. If I could do it again, I would have done things differently. I see now that I need to move forward. I wish you the best and hope you find happiness for yourself.