Sandy can you kindly explain what goes through a woman's mind when they want to play family with their H in Social Circles with all of their friends. And family with H? The only thing I see about it being that friend zone is they only do it for the sake of co-parenting. I really don't see any respect their for the H.
No, it isn't out of any respect she feels for the H. IMHO, she wants to play family in social circles kind of like saving face, but not exactly. She uses the H more as an escort than anything else. She doesn't want to show up to public events alone, or have people asking uncomfortable questions. As for playing family with H, I think it comes under the heading of cake eating. She benefits from both worlds, so to speak. I never desired to play house with my H, but endured it when around other people, b/c I knew they expected to see us together at certain events.
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Like he's good enough to take out on social occasions, just not all of them, because the WAW/WW wants their freedom and Independence to do their own thing in life without any control or oversight, which may include sleeping with other men and looking for love in all the wrong places. I just still don't get it? If they are totally done why are they keeping the H around as a friend other than for the sake of the kids and being plan b if their break for freedom fails? I just don't get it?
You don't get it b/c you are trying to apply logic to that which is illogical. ((hugs)) It has nothing to do with the H being good enough to take some places and not all of them. It's all about her and what she wants/feels at any given moment. If she has a better offer, she'll turn H down and go with the other offer. It's her selfishness and arrogance. Yes, she wants to play family when it suits her and is convenient for her, and only then. Her freedom is priority in most cases. I don't even think she is looking for love in all the wrong places, to be quite honest. For some who have gone wild, it's just about spreading their wings and sowing their wild oats (even if they are somewhat late in the game). They are like rebellious teenagers who are determined to do everything they've been told is inappropriate, bad or wrong.
Why are they keeping H around as a friend? That's a good question and I wish I had a good answer. I think she wants to play friends in order to use him. She'll take advantage and use him for whatever she may need at the time. Bottom line is her ego, and I think she wants to believe the H can't love anyone the way he loves her. She wants to believe he is sitting home alone, pining away for her. I don't believe it is for the sake of the kids, whatsoever. She isn't going to do what's best for the kids! Don't forget, it's all about her and how she benefits emotionally, financially, or physically. That's not to say she is smart about it, but that's how she views everything. For example, her H may be able to give her more financially, but he doesn't give her what she desires emotionally, so she goes with the dud (OM) who feeds her ego. Even if she likes to sleep with Joe Blow, she will try to keep her H as her backup plan.....until she knows for certain Joe Blow will follow through. By that, I mean if everything falls through and nothing works out like she thought, then she'll always have ole hubby who will take care of her. In her head, she thinks he would be grateful to get her back! That's why I feel that dropping the rope and moving forward is the right way for the H to go. It has a shock value to it when she sees that he isn't going to stop living just b/c she wants a D. However, I think he really has to stop the friends act, and after the D he can be friend-ly in his interactions, but not real friends. Know what I mean? Why would you want to be friends with someone who divorced you? I could find better people to have for a BFF!
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I just don't get it I can't wrap my head around it. What is the benefit to them? It's like we're good enough to go out to social occasions together, go out for ice cream and go see family members which I put a stop to a while back, but I am going to partake in my son's 2nd birthday, and not do anything separate.
She wants to keep attending the family events, holiday activities, traditional festivities, etc. See, reality has not dawned on her yet. She wants to keep one foot in and one foot out. Some women may miss parts of the family stuff, like going for ice cream or celebrating son's birthday.........and I've read where some WW even want to continue physical affection, but they want to go through with the S/D. You can figure out crazy! I go back to the selfishness and the fantasy. It shows how far removed from reality she is.
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I can't understand is that they call us scary and controlling and manipulative and they hate us and don't want to be around us and they want their space from us, they undermine our parenting abilities, constant disrespect, and on the other same hand within the same moment they say we are awesome parents. They don't want to spend any time with us they constantly ignore us and they use us just for the logistics. but then they want to keep us around for social occasions. No self-respecting man should even entertain this BS. On the other hand what if it is some form of connection or a social demonstration for a 180? Why do they want us there?
It depends on what you mean by making a connection. She wants to make a connection when she sleeps with another guy, too. She could show up on your doorstep late some night, crying and wanting you to take her back. By morning, she's ready to split again. I want you to listen very carefully to me, b/c I have read your question from a lot of other LBH's........"What if she is trying to make a connection?" It does not matter if she wants some type of connection, b/c that is the theme of this entire post from you. Don't you see it? She doesn't want to give up her position and/or connection she has with you, the family, relatives, etc........but she wants it on her terms. Now, when she stops trying to manipulate, lie & deceive, act like GGW, and all the other disrespectful behaviors, and she genuinely shows that she wants to do whatever is necessary to make her M work.......THEN you can think about the possibility of her being serious. But there are ways she needs to show she means it, and one way is by demonstrating respect for her H and being willing to do what he says he needs to heal & reconcile. Do you know how many H's have taken back their WW too quickly and too easily, only to experience the same ordeal over again? In fact, I think it was my second thread on my WW series I wrote on this very subject....in case you want to check it out. If you trust anything I say, I hope you take this to heart. Reconciliation with a WW, should cover a considerable amount of time and a ton of work. She should be required to meet several realistic qualifications set by the H. If he takes her back on face value, then he's probably in for more pain.
There have some WW's who really changed from the heart outward in a positive and loving way. It's hard, I'm not going to lie. She has to undergo an emotional heart operation, if she really does it right.
The WW that does not learn life lessons from her experience, and is not willing to find the information & guidance they need to change and to save their M, is not a W you need to consider taking back.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You can figure out crazy! I go back to the selfishness and the fantasy. It shows how far removed from reality she is. 
If you trust anything I say, I hope you take this to heart. Reconciliation with a WW, should cover a considerable amount of time and a ton of work. She should be required to meet several realistic qualifications set by the H. If he takes her back on face value, then he's probably in for more pain. 