Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

I had the exact same reaction from my W when I mostly stopped initiating convo's, and when I would "just leave" to go for a walk to clear my head. MWD writes in DR about experimenting with different things and then adjusting your approach based on the results, but I think this applies more when the MR's are pre-BD and in less dire situations. I think you are pretty much "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" on most of these approaches. So keep doing what feels good and stay focused on self-improvement. You have a long road ahead. From your posts I think rebuilding trust with your W, if that is going to happen, will take a very long time.

Thanks, good to know that my sitch is not completely abnormal.

I know trust is a major issue in your sitch. Mine as well (for different reasons). I asked our MC "How can I rebuild trust?" and he said "That's not for me or your W to answer. You need to figure that out." Regardless of whether you R, I think it is really positive to work on rebuilding trust with your W. It will make you a stronger person. She has specifically told you to stop texting. But you will be interacting at least talking about money and D3. There are opportunities there to demonstrate integrity and trustworthiness.

Yep, agreed. I don't see the not-texting as indicating that I have no options in the future but it certainly reduces it.

Everything your W is doing (on her phone while you watch TV, triggered by little things, etc.) is exactly what my sitch was like the last 2-3 months. She was checked out of the MR, just going through the motions being pleasant as a roommate and that's about it. My sitch is different (trial S, I moved out), but what I can say is that I feel this huge sense of relief now that we live apart just having some time and space away from the daily grind. And I can see my W, when we do interact, seems less wound up and stressed. Your W seems like she's triggered by literally anything you do at the moment, so unfortunately the likely way for her to change her mindset is this change of scenery.

Honestly, I'm looking forward to having the house sold so we can get that space. I'm feeling ok in general now that I'm not concerning myself with ensuring that I do nothing wrong in her mind but it's clear that she's not and, if we are to R, it won't be while she's upset. I wish that she were open to a trial separation for a variety of reasons - I think that she will hold my post-D behavior against me (she's really judgmental).

I can't remember - are you two still going to MC?

We were seeing one to be able to discuss coparenting but I don't think she's a fan so I'm leaving it up to her as to whether we continue or not. No pressure.