Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

So when I read all of that I couldn't help but feel your desire to control. The fact that her phone use "bothers" you is on you! Why even discuss that. In our sitches, words are meaningless. This where you set a boundary........for YOU!

"When D3 is in bed, if W starts texting incessantly, I am going to tell her I am going out for a while and go hang at brothers."

So just do that, don't try to control her phone usage! Further, even if you do end up controlling that, do you think it will stop? Or will she go covert with it? She could be like my W and go into the bathroom for 2 hours so she could text freely with EAP. "Oh, my stomach is really upset. I kept feeling like I had to go!"

Just to be clear, I have no interest in trying to control her phone usage, it's just really grating when someone is hanging out with you and they are busy messaging other people. And if she doesn't want to hang out that's fine. It just feels like I'm being a d**k if I stop hanging out with her without an explanation. The other side is that I can try to ignore it but it really does drive me crazy (not just from her) and I don't want to be a grump (and I don't want it to hurt other conversations).

Same thing with the "in October to improve trust I was texting W every time I left/arrived somewhere which I continued to do even after she announced the divorce". Hmmmm really? Or was this your way of showing her what you require when she is out? crd, trying to control can take many forms. Manipulation. Threats. Guilt. Etc. I know how LBSs think about this because in my 2005 sitch I did the same thing. I gave all of my passwords for everything to my W. "Just wanted to be fully open with you." Remember, she is the one that had an EA in 2005.Admittedly, I was hoping in the spirit of building trust, she would reciprocate. She didn't.

Absolutely not. I cheated, not her. I had a documented plan for what I would do/not do (e.g. not going out to parties by myself, staying off of facebook) and, as far as I was concerned, until we weren't married or she told me otherwise I would follow the plan. The alternative was that she would assume that I was out hooking up or just looking for an excuse to not follow the plan (one of her pre-D criticisms has been any of my misses, e.g. if I forget to text right away). I'm not snooping, inquiring, trying to figure out what she's doing, etc.

So drop the rope. Stop trying to control. If she engages in things you can't handle, then get out and GAL!

I hear you and I get that this is part of DBing but please also understand that her issues with me are trust and a belief that I always put myself first, and if I just peace out without telling her why or refuse to eat dinner with her that aligns with that narrative - I have to strike the right balance.