In all honesty I am feeling more detached than ever. I just realised how awesome separation will be. No pessimistic, emotionally abusive wife, a couple nights to myself, and no kids 24/7. I thought I wanted to save the marriage. Now I don't care. Because she won't change and I doubt she'd accept the strings (boundaries) that would be attached to piecing.
I think what you mean is... you are willing to R, but you won't go back to the old MR. It has to be a new MR.
The advantages of separation you outline are definitely there. There are also disadvantages - loneliness (at times) for one.
I apologize if you have answered these questions before -- what has your W stated are the goals of separation? Separation is another form of limbo and without clear goals I think it's inevitable that D is not far behind. In my case I am handling the emotional piece of separation as, essentially, a divorce filing. The logistical pieces less so (not getting legal documentation for all our agreements, etc.). We are going to "MC" (essentially a separation counselor) - the first few sessions have been to help sort out the logistics of the separation and learn how to communicate better, but I have made clear that long-term I will only continue to go if we are working on the MR.
I highly suggest you think about what changes you would need to see in your W in order to take her back. Like you I also said for awhile "I would take her back if things changed" but then I had trouble outlining specifically what needed to change. I don't think this needs to be a list of every complaint, but an honest list of "if she checked off every box, I would consider R". You may look at the list and realize it is completely unrealistic for your W to change in that way. If anything, this will be therapeutic. And will also help focus you on your own needs (common NG problem). And will help you think about the qualities you would seek in a future partner. And will help you gauge whether there is any progress during the separation...
