the fact that I don't initiate conversations beyond greetings (a very positive "good morning!" etc.) has led to little conversation at all which I think that she believes means that I'm angry with her (i.e. feeds into her narrative that I sulk and turn mean when I'm mad). It's not that, and I honestly feel better than I've felt in months (not always, of course), but it seems like she's so stuck in her head that she can't imagine that she could be a contributor to the environment.
You can only control your own words and actions, not how your W decides to react or interpret them.
I had the exact same reaction from my W when I mostly stopped initiating convo's, and when I would "just leave" to go for a walk to clear my head. MWD writes in DR about experimenting with different things and then adjusting your approach based on the results, but I think this applies more when the MR's are pre-BD and in less dire situations. I think you are pretty much "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" on most of these approaches. So keep doing what feels good and stay focused on self-improvement. You have a long road ahead. From your posts I think rebuilding trust with your W, if that is going to happen, will take a very long time.
One completely arbitrary and skewed opinion I have is that all the "milestone" events during this process (BD, D filing, moving out, D closing) don't necessarily need to mean you adjust or change your approach. The danger is that often we are stuck in limbo for months or years, then there is a sudden sea change due to hitting some milestone event, and it is quite easy to feel the need to make a sudden change to one's approach out of desperation to stave off the next big event.
I know trust is a major issue in your sitch. Mine as well (for different reasons). I asked our MC "How can I rebuild trust?" and he said "That's not for me or your W to answer. You need to figure that out." Regardless of whether you R, I think it is really positive to work on rebuilding trust with your W. It will make you a stronger person. She has specifically told you to stop texting. But you will be interacting at least talking about money and D3. There are opportunities there to demonstrate integrity and trustworthiness.
Everything your W is doing (on her phone while you watch TV, triggered by little things, etc.) is exactly what my sitch was like the last 2-3 months. She was checked out of the MR, just going through the motions being pleasant as a roommate and that's about it. My sitch is different (trial S, I moved out), but what I can say is that I feel this huge sense of relief now that we live apart just having some time and space away from the daily grind. And I can see my W, when we do interact, seems less wound up and stressed. Your W seems like she's triggered by literally anything you do at the moment, so unfortunately the likely way for her to change her mindset is this change of scenery.
