Sure there are changes I can make moving forward. I may never change. I may change once I am alone seperated and divorced. Its not my choice. But anything, and any life is better than the current situation, I have been progressively experiencing for 10-12 months. The only way I am ever going to change is by letting this all go, and I can't do that anymore in IHS. I can't do that. I can't do that when she wants out. I can't do that if I have to experience her emotional blame about why I can't stick to her agenda and timeline, and I get more blame and shame about what it doesn't work for her. I handled it as calm as I could. I still have attorneys to consult with. she wants to refinance by the end of the month and consolidate all of our debts, and she wants an answer by this Friday. It got a little heated. We both calmed down and agreed to work together to push forward, work together to make this happen. Im miserable dealing with this and living life like this. All of you here encouraged dropping the rope, so I did. She wants divorce. She seems hesitant first, so I asked her several times are you sure this is what you want? She's sure. I'm not going back on this process. Im done waiting around for her to figure out herself, her identity, the marriage, where she wants to live, and who she wants to blame for it. Im tired of everything being all my fault and never being appreciated for the things I did do right. People here say I'm dismissive and she has said the same thing I'm going to try and work on that while working through this process. Im not looking back. I deserve better treatment then when I've been getting slowly a death by a thousand paper cuts over the last 10 months. I'd rather be alone and focus on my own life. I don't think all women are evil and vindictive, and I know my attitude and actions to play a role in this. But the only way I'm never going to change to get out of the situation. only then can I stop thinking about the 24/7 and be relaxed and put my focus back on myself.
maybe she'll change her mind and look back. Maybe I'll change. Maybe I won't? all I know is I wanted a family and a home and not some woman who wants to go gallivanting across the country in an RV as a single mom for her fantasy future. I'm not saying it's crazy or impossible, but she needs to take a good look in the mirror to what she's doing and who she is and what she's going to wind up with. all of you here Advocate not putting up with the bull$hit of the WAW and WW. Well I'm not anymore. I'm tired of shouldering the entire blame for the failure her life choices. Im not going to wait around anymore. I'm not anyone's plan b. She threw it in my face to love and to cherish. So I replied back but what about in bad times and good. I guess you only wanted the good times. it's funny how people have a lack of commitment accuse you of not being committed, and project it onto you. As much as it hurts I have to move forward, I don't have the patience left to hold out for this marriage anymore. Now I can relax my mind of her and put my mind on moving forward. so yeah there is a little bit of pain and regret but there is also relief. I'm choosing not to lie around for 2 years to see what happens. maybe we'll get back together after divorce and maybe we won't I really don't care anymore.
