While I understand your point, he is also our MC and he is very pro marriage. He talks about that on every visit and he knows how I feel about it.
I'm just saying not to get your hopes up, a lot of LBS's come here thinking IC or MC is going to turn things around and it never, ever does. Once you find your way here your W is so checked out that no amount of counseling is going to make a difference. All she wants right now is validation. I'll give you an example of how it played out for me, my XW and I went to MC (this was before I found DB'ing) and the C put us through all kinds of communication exercises and well and truly tried to get my XW to see the value in our marriage and the reasons to stay together. All my XW could say in response is "I'm just done and I don't know why, I can't explain it." At one point the C said "well maybe you need a trial separation to see how it goes" and wow, my XW suddenly perked up and got excited- "yes that sounds like a great idea!!!" So even though the MC was pro-marriage and was trying, in the end my XW only heard what she wanted to hear and she used it as an excuse to leave (I mean after all, the MC said it was a "good idea").
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She talked about wanting to be ‘like’ a family during webchat. I immediately turned that down and explained that we are not a family and I didn’t want to pretend like we were. I was irritated at that and I know my emotions showed. I hope I did the right thing.
Try not to show emotions but yes, telling her you wouldn't allow that is the right thing. She just wants to cake-eat- pursue her single life while playing family when it suits her. It's a fantasy most WAS's engage in.
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In addition, these past 2 days have been horrible. She has been so cold and just mean on webchat.
First why is that horrible, that's her problem not yours. Second why are you having web chats with her. If you're talking to her in person or on phone or whatever and she is being "horrible" then just tell her you're not going to engage if she's going to be like that, and if she continues it then say the convo is done and hang up or leave.
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I just don’t engage when she is in that mood.
Good!
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I just don’t understand why she has the highs and then the lows so much and it frustrates me!
Who knows, it could be some kind of chemical imbalance in her body, but the bottom line is that's what you're dealing with and it's not going to change anytime soon. So you have to act accordingly. Time, space, detachment!
