I still think doing kids things, like school pickups, birthdays, events like soccer still must happen. They need Dad support.
Oh yes, absolutely.
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What about when asked to do odd things around the house, like help cook or some other thing I normally don't do?
Honestly it probably doesn't matter one way or the other. Most of us ended up here through death-by-a-thousand-papercuts. We didn't do any one thing terribly wrong, but our wives felt alone and neglected emotionally for months or years and finally broke. There's no one thing that got you here and no one thing that'll get you out of it. For now nothing you do is going to have much impact on her or change her mind. But changed behavior over a long period of time might do that. If you do end up separating then you can get serious about detaching, but while living together it's tough to implement a lot of this stuff. So help her, or don't help her, it's really your choice. But if you do help her then just try to keep in mind it's not going to change anything for now.
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Still can't get my head around going cold turkey with regards to in-laws.
Same as above, go or don't go, it's your choice. It's not going to change anything either way. If she leaves then I would definitely use that as an opportunity to cut back on contact and "group" activities though.