Hard to believe I'm considered and oldie and I'm shocked how long this all took to get back to normal. Things are good between H and I. No more eggshells, and that is such a wonderful feeling.
Now the problem is the family fallout! Warning to anyone in the early stages: keep family out of it! Z had great advice a long time ago about being firm with family, that they must follow your lead, but everything in the book is true, they feel your pain and do and say stupid things!
Here's my current problem and I don't know if I should stick my nose in or not. My H and I both have one sibling, mine lives overseas and H's brother is 1.5 hours away.
Last year there was a baby shower for my BIL's first set of twins. H dedicded he was too busy getting ready for overseas business trip and we couldn't go. BIL and SIL have come to all our boy's b-day parties. H was in big fog back then and I had been told by the T to let H deal with his family's social plans.
For the baby's christening, H and I had just separated so H tooks boys on his own. T-giving we were S and H and boys went to MIL and spent it with his family. X-mas they had a Saturday early and H had invited me along.
My birthday in April I didn't hear boo from them and then H's b-day was two weeks ago and they didn't call or send card.
So now we have an invite to the first b-day party. H&I had bought Penn State tickets about 5 months ago for the day. H called and gave BIL his regrets. I wanted to take one of the kids to the party, so H and s5 were going to the game and S7 and I to the party. I emailed BIL to make suree this was okay.
BIL called H and told him the email from me really pissed him off, that they have come to all the boy's b-day parties and how would H feel if his SIL and her son came to the party. So I think I'm not welcome.
I don't know if I should get try and make peace, I have stayed out of this and all social plans, but by our skipping events, it has really put a strain between the two and our families are so small, these are the boys only cousins. H is hurt that they didn't even call and check the date with us, if we had plans, I used to do that with the boys party and he is hurt that they forgot his b-day. I just see this being blown out of control and then they will refuse to come to the b-day party in October for s7.
I've floated the idea with H about selling tomorrow's tickets, since we now know how BIL feels and that in his own way he was telling H that is was important to him that H be there.
I'm tempted to email BIL and let him know that I would like s7 to be there, even if he would prefer that I'm not there, I'm not sure if he is objecting to my presense or H's lack of presence. I just want to nip this in the bud before it gets out of control.
If anyone had any advice or sees something that I'm missing, let me know. My goal is to have a cordial relationship with my inlaws and for my boys to have a chance to know their cousins.
