So I'm back from vacation. The last few days she had trouble sleeping. And I know why. She is rattled when I said I'm not going to support her.
Good! Let her sweat a little.
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I recall her words about "promising to support me" (which I didn't, I promised to support keeping the family home)
Yes and she promised to love, honor and cherish until death do you part. Next time she decides to hold you to a promise you made, you might want to remind her of that one. Promises are not legally binding.
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Here's my question to y'all. We had great family time, with ups and downs, on our trip. I went out and did my own thing a few times but other than that it felt like a normal family relationship except intimacy. So moving forward, if I recall from DB, any family times I should be present, but otherwise no? What about things like family dinners at her parents? Obviously I attend my Son's birthday party, but what about her family get togethers? Or if She wants to go out for a birthday dinner? I'm just wanting to know what the appropriate DB line to draw here.
Personally I think it's OK to do kid-focused stuff jointly such as birthday parties, but some here would argue that you should not even do that. So that's kind of your call. But I definitely would not go to dinner with her parents, or any other visits with her parents. It's going to seem really awkward cutting out the cake-eating at first, but it needs to be done.
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The next big test is GAL this week. I'm dropping all time together after kids go to bed. I'm going out each night to gym or just faking it and smoking in the car. I'm just going to tell her "I'm going out" and that's it.
I wouldn't fake it, and I wouldn't force it. If you don't have something to do then stay home. You shouldn't avoid the home just because she is there, remember that the home is your castle and you shouldn't let her mess that up for you. So sometimes stay, sometimes go. Don't "dump" the kids on her either, you should be sharing with responsibilities in taking care of them. And you don't want them to wonder why you're just disappearing every evening. Sometimes involve them in GAL, maybe you take them to the park to do something, or take them to a movie.
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What about SMSs in the daytime? Sometimes there are complaints and things that are not child related. Ignore, reply, or just tell her to not do it any more? I read somewhere that encouraging SMS just keeps me in the friend zone and it should strictly be "business" only.
The rule is sometimes reply right away, sometimes wait a while, and sometimes (if it's not important) don't reply at all. The idea is to portray that you are busy, moving on and not hovering over your phone waiting for her messages.
