So my H is pretty pi$$ed at me right now, but I feel like that is a good sign.... Who knows!
He continues to tell me he needs space, yet he texts me all day long. Tells me about his comings and goings, asks about mine, etc. If I respond too much then I am pushing him, yet short responses anger him and he tells me I am acting cold.
My C told me that I need to set some boundaries regarding contact. That if we continue to contact in this manner he is not able to experience the anxiety he should be dealing with right now. He needs to know what it is like to live without me. Right now he's living the life! He gets to live on his own, do his own thing, and still have a wife around when he wants her. She helped me with a script, and after multiple texts from him this evening asking if I was ok, and then calling me cold, etc. I called him. Probably all against DB, but I'm following my C's advice because lack of response on my end was an issue in the past- I wanted to set a boundary, and explain.
I told him that I loved and respected him and that I was willing to do what it takes to work on our marriage. Yet, I wanted to honor his request of space. That he is asking for space, but he is not taking it. I told him when he reaches out, I respond because it reinforces my need to connect. It creates a cycle, he ends up feeling pressure, and it causes me pain. I ended with asking that we refrain from this type of contact to allow both of us to be accountable for what he has asked.
He pretty much didn't want to hear any of it. He was happy to hear my voice when I called, but as soon as I started it was a lot of quick "Yup, yup, I get it. That makes sense." He was very short and I angry. I told him the ball was in his court, and to reach out when he is ready. He said, Ok. Talk to you later and hung up.
He was so mad, but so am I!! He left me! He is the one asking for space.
This is so hard. Everything in me wants to call him back, text him. I want to explain more, yet I won't, I know it's the wrong thing to do. It's exactly what I've always done. If I wasn't done with a fight, if I thought of something more to say, I would follow him, pursue. So I guess keeping my mouth shut, letting things be, is a 180 for me. I feel awful, but relieved in a way. Who knows, he may never text again, he could text tomorrow. Time will tell I guess.
