Divorce/WAW due to my infidelity Part 2

[crdcheck]

Can't believe that it's been four days, it feels like much longer.

I've continued detaching and it honestly feels pretty good. Probably the biggest change has been that I've stopped worrying so much about how she will react and, when she explodes about something, to just calmly respond with my point of view. For example, my brother's wife invited me out for a surprise dinner with them and a couple of other friends on Friday - I accepted without talking to W (I knew that she didn't have plans - we share when we are going to be out), I just told her that I was going. She told me that she would go out Saturday night in a way that seemed like it was retaliation. That was fine with me but she didn't end up going out. Anyway, back to Friday, since the restaurant was around the corner from my house I invited everyone over for a drink beforehand. W flipped out saying that I should have asked her first and that telling her during the day was not enough time to have a conversation. Instead of arguing I asked her (this was over text) what a reasonable time frame would be, validated her feelings ("I can see how this could feel like it came out of left field") and did not respond to her provocations (W: "This is you being passive aggressive for some reason"). I also got her to agree that, before having any non-family in the house (e.g. home showings) that she would extend the same courtesy (24 hours notice, ask rather than tell).

There have been a few other "good bad" conversations (i.e. about something bad but went well) but it really doesn't matter for our marriage - I don't see any way out of our downward trajectory. Got our first offer on the house today and W is still looking at apartments. I won't say that it feels good but it's not the kick in the stomach that it was a few weeks ago. I don't really want to talk with her about it - it gives me anxiety and then I don't think as clearly (e.g. she wants to get a huge place in the most expensive part of town and I struggle to keep from saying "Good luck with doing that on a single income" rather than "uh huh" or bragging about the place I plan to get).

Overall, W seems pretty cold. We'll make dinner together and watch some TV but she's playing on her phone, basically doesn't talk (I was always the one to make conversation but I've stopped that). The hopeful person in me (ha!) thinks that she's getting some feelings and is steeling herself against them. The pessimist in me thinks that she is seeing my detachment and associated lack of yielding to her as me putting my needs first (big complaint) and is thus reinforcing her narrative.

In the DB space, I feel like I'm following a lot of the basic guidance (yay!) but missing one of the key areas - I don't have a measure for success, which means that I may be going down a "cheeseless tunnel" and not really be able to prove it. The thing is that the measures I thought about before (W back in MBR, W takes house off of market temporarily, W touches me) just aren't going to happen. Or, at least, I don't think that I have a path to these. "Never say never" and all that, but I think that that it's the right move to lower my expectations, focus on myself and my dignity. I'm not cheating, I'm "GAL-ing", I'm spending a lot of time w/ D3... that feels right to me. Thoughts?