Fine tuning my inner Me

[Grace21]

Kml, Gerda, Job– thanks for your input. It’s appreciated and allows me to regroup and think about all perspectives.

Ok , now that you've had your say (and you did well) you need to let go and focus on YOUR life. Are you living your dreams? If not, what is holding you back?

I’ve been doing this very well for many months now. I travel, see friends, enjoy all the activities I love, am involved in ministry work, and am developing deeper relationships with my kids. My life is full.

I know he said a lot of things that you might read as hopeful - but let's be real here.

I certainly don’t hopeful think it makes me hopeful he is open to R. On the contrary, I think he feels it will never happen. Sometimes (often) I do too. My hope is for him right now is to be receptive to take the steps towards a more fulfilled and happy life for himself. And that’s what I told him.

He has deep serious problems beyond simple depression and you should NOT consider taking him back unless he has done a LOT of work (say, for example, a year of individual counseling and 12 step meetings for sex addiction).

I agree with this 100%, and have no plans to take him back without results from hard work.

But you must ask yourself why you don't believe you deserve more?

What I deserve is a happy, fulfilled life. I have found that. I am not desperate, and would not take back this broken man as he is today.

Despite everything he said yesterday, I predict he will move ahead with moving in with the OW

He may well move in with OW, but she sounds perfect for this -- she will destroy it all by herself, just let her do it and keep being the wonderful Grace and grace that you are.

I agree. He probably will. And it will be a disaster. The real question I need to pray about is do I divulge to the kids that dad is shacking up with someone. I need to really consider what the purpose of that would be. If I file for D, or we work out an agreement where he is not welcome at the house, than I guess I would.

God can heal anything and anyone, even all the things KML lists above.

I believe this. But my prayer for his healing is not tied to whether we will R or not. That is another, separate, journey that needs to take it’s own course. I want him healed more than I want R.

It's about trusting God with your life and everything in it. I don't know when you will be able to trust your H but I know when you can trust God. Now.

Because of my convo with H yesterday, I feel my fear and anxiety mostly gone. That trust in God has returned, and I feel freer.

And yes, I think you are right to hear loud and clear about not bringing up anything anymore. You've said it and he can know now whatever he chooses to know. So now you can let go and trust the process, wherever it leads. .

H sent me another e-mail just a few hours ago. It said “I won’t lie. It was a tough conversation but you gave me a lot to think about”.

I will let him think, and choose his own destiny. But I plan to be here if he needs someone to listen or just to have someone show him compassion. (Phillipains 4: 8-9). This does not, however, assume I would just “take him back” or R. I’ve come too far to go back.

Now, you need to step back and trust the process. I know it's hard to let go, but you have to put you faith and trust in the man upstairs to take it from here. You may not always see progress, but he is definitely working on your h. As they say "your h is a work in progress".

This letting go and trusting the man upstairs to do his job has been a prayer of mine since the day H moved out. I struggled with the letting go. It's my nature to fix things. I'm finally at that place to turn it over to God. It's a burden that God willingly took on for me, and I'm grateful.