(((dilly))) Hugs. I need to be honest. I am really concerned about you. Has it been a year since BD now? And I see you repeating the same patterns again and again, and I see you getting the same results, which are feelings of frustration and anxiety. You are also growing resentment towards him because of this and it is very, very hard to remedy that later on (trust me on this one -- the resentment is hard to remedy and takes years).
I love the personal changes you have made. Continue to make them, not for him, but for you. Because either way, I think you have solidly confirmed your position with him as plan B and he continues to make his arrangements living his plan A lifestyle. It makes me sad to read. As long as you are right there and waiting and hoping for more table scraps, he will not be interested in you. Men never pick plan B when they can have plan A. So you need to remove yourself from that slot.
When I read your posts, there is so much contradiction between how you feel about him and the way he is treating you with how you are acting, responding and lacking boundaries to protect yourself. He is planning a D and left you and you wait for any attention -- walk, R talk, or kiss on the cheek. And you have taught him you are okay with it because you have been allowing it for a year. Do you not value yourself enough than to expect to be treated well by a man? Confident women don't allow this. They would have told this guy to take a hike as soon as he mistreated her ...
A s-xy bod and makeup are not what exudes confidence .... it is all about how you carry yourself in your interactions with others and the choices you make for yourself ...
We can't expect any positive change from him, but you can change the course of your future. You can jump out of this cycle at any time. You can put your hand up and say "stop, no more, I am done with these games." Then you let him be and you start living your fabulous life on your own! Then, you will begin to feel better and attract quality people to you that can match you.
I hope you will do that soon. I believe strongly that you will begin to feel so much better once you drop the rope. What will it take to get you there?
Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
