Lol Tryhard, the fact that I wear makeup at all nowadays is scandalous, I never have before. Ditto the perfume, new clothes, sexy bras. I look pretty damn hot now I have to say. Plus I've lost a stack of weight (I wasn't overweight before but maybe carrying a couple of extra pounds I didn't strictly need) so I look blooming amazing in jeans I just need to focus now on eating enough because last week I lost my appetite again and felt dreadful, it was bad for my mood and I will be unhealthy if I lose any more weight.
What works: well that seems to have changed. Until now if I've asked him if he wants to meet for a lunch or a quick drink he has almost always said yes, but he has initiated that less and less over the months. I feel like if I don't ask him he will not initiate at all, and maybe that would be a good thing (it's not been that often, and it's been me saying 'I'm nearby for something else if you want a quick drink' and he's then made an effort to fit me in). But after his holiday he seems pretty determined to pull away more, there's little point me chasing because that will push him away. But me wafting off in a cloud of perfume and a nice dress last weekend drew little reaction from him, he looked hurt rather than like he wanted to pursue. I've taken him asking me for a walk tomorrow as a desire to R talk at me rather than a desire to spend time with me. But who knows, he's confused. I did thank him on Monday for sticking round to put the supermarket delivery away, I said I appreciated that and he then texted me a few times after that. I know appreciation is important to him but as I said to my IC, there is NOT much to appreciate about him right now!
Alison: TBH I don't know why I went for a drink with him yesterday, I think it was to establish some warmth between us because I feel he's putting me in the enemy box. So I showed him I'm not his enemy but also showed him I'm a strong, warm, sexy woman. Well, that was what I was telling myself anyway. It might have been dishonest but it felt like I was taking some power over the situation and showing him what he has to lose. I wouldn't start an R talk for anything, but he could R talk me on the phone if I don't see him, so I want to be prepared if needed. I think I have some lines from here 'that's a lot to think about, I'll need some time to consider', 'well that's not what I want, but I won't stand in your way'.
I am pretty disgusted by his behaviour, more that he didn't have the guts to tell me what would be arriving in the post to my address rather than the opening an account which he's entitled to do. Part of me wonders if he intentionally tried to hurt me by doing this to make me back off. Who knows. It's not the action of a healthy person, that's for sure, it's completely thoughtless at best and vindictive at worst. Part of me wants to just ignore it as him either taking an impulsive action or him deliberately trying to hurt me and responding will not help, and the other part of me wants to tell him to grow the F up. I think at this point that not engaging is the best policy. But then I do still struggle between assertiveness and agressiveness If he brings it up I will be asking him to change the address on the account and asking him for his address so I can forward correspondence to him.
Anyway, I'm off to get some work done, this October deadline is looming and scaring me! And I have made some GAL plans for next week already (an interesting talk, a yoga class, a run with a friend) so I want to get ahead with this project to make time for GAL stuff to keep me sane next week
I just need to focus now on eating enough because last week I lost my appetite again and felt dreadful, it was bad for my mood and I will be unhealthy if I lose any more weight.