Anxious, Emotional Neglect, and LRT

[SteveLW]

Your W sounds a lot like mine. She had it all planned out. Quickie online cheap D. Wanted none of "my" money. Just maybe some furniture. If keep house, she'd have an apartment nearby. She'd have a key to help with dogs, have dinner at the house a couple times a week. D would live with me and come for visits. She'd host dinners at the apartment occasionally.

She'd get a job to enable her life. Oh and we'd go out on dates.

The one thing that always went through my head was the words that women don't need their own place to find or work on themselves or on the marriage. They need their own place to sleep with other people.

I'd dispel that fairy tale whenever I could. I told her we'd sell the house and split the equity and all other assets. If move in with a friend of mine. Etc. She'd balk at that. I would tell her "it's no fair you get to go out and start I new life but expect that I don't as well."

That seemed to make an impact. Notice I wasn't saying "I'm going to fight for the marriage at all costs." I was actually embracing what she wanted, and pointing out that is be moving on too.

It also hit her with guilt. Over the splitting of money, and D losing her family home.