Wow! I want to know which wardrobe you’ve been hiding in!!!! I could’ve walked years ago but couldn’t leave her and the kids. There’s some great advice there! I know there’s rose tinted goggles, I just don’t want to break up the family.
AS is dead on here. I was the same way. Leading up to BD I thought about leaving and Ding her quite often. Then she BD'd me and I went into desperation mode.
Here is the thing. If you are not careful you'll be right back to that. If your W came to you today and said "I am sorry, let's fix this." would you be content with going back to where things were pre-BD? I hope not.
How many of these things can you check off the list:
- Are you in IC? -Are you GAL? As in out doing things with other people or alone anytime you are not spending time with the boys? -Have you talked to a D lawyer to make sure you understand what is involved and how you should be preparing? -Are you actively working on detachment? Not just talking about it. Thinking about it. But actually striving to detach as much as possible? -Are you reading as much as you can, trying to improve yourself? Not for her or the MR but for yourself?
Gomez, like I said, I was a lot like it sounds like you were. IC was so important to help cement my changes. To change my thinking so that I could be healthy enough to understand why I behaved the way I did, and how to really change it.
This is the opportunity to be the best Gomez you can be. For yourself. For your boys. And for your next R, whether that is with your W or someone else.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I could’ve walked years ago but couldn’t leave her and the kids. There’s some great advice there! I know there’s rose tinted goggles, I just don’t want to break up the family.
